


Would You Rather...?

by TheLawyersKeeper



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Horror, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes is a hero, But Not Anti-Peggy, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Deaf Clint Barton, Dum Dum is a Good Bro, Dum Dum is basically Bucky's dad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Howling Commandos - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Bucky Barnes, M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Not Peggy Friendly, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oral Sex, Sign Language, Slow Burn, Steve has realizations, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, The Avengers - Freeform, WWII, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-06-29 12:34:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15729507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLawyersKeeper/pseuds/TheLawyersKeeper
Summary: Steve decides to invite Peggy for drinks with the Commandos. Who promptly get loaded and decide to play a game.Really the whole thing was a bad idea from the start, Steve would muse to himself later. But then again, he was never really the brains of the outfit was he?*Peggy fans please read Notes before reading the story!!*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST OF ALL, I fucking adore Peggy Carter! She is one of my absolute favourite female characters in the world and I adore her and have mad respect for her. That being said, the Steve/Peggy/Bucky love triangle is one of the best sources for angst in my endless search of Bucky feels. Please do not take this as me hating Peggy!! I love her, it just didn't work out that way in the story!!

Really the whole thing was a bad idea from the start, Steve would muse to himself later. But then again, he was never really the brains of the outfit, was he?

 

Peggy had been so instrumental in the forming of the Howling Commandos, and with everyone fawning all over Captain America and his Sweetheart Agent Carter, inviting her to come for drinks to get to know the team better on a personal level had seemed appropriate, and he had regretted the idea ever since she'd walked in the door. Steve swallowed his whiskey and smiled softly at the table, looking back over at the bar where Bucky was sitting alone, nursing his own drink. The Commandos were particularly rowdy tonight, celebrating their recent take-down of a HYDRA base. Steve also suspected it had something to do with their guest of honour tonight, Agent Peggy Carter.

Bucky had slunk off to the bar not long after she got there, making some excuse about a headache or knowing the bartender. Steve hadn’t really listened since he could hear the bullshit a mile away. Bucky had barely looked at him since Azzano, and Steve wasn’t exactly impressed with the way he’d treated Peggy either. Of course he hadn’t been rude, but Steve knew Bucky, and knew he had managed to somehow form a vendetta against Peggy-

“Hey Cap, you listening?” Steve looked back over where Falsworth was looking at him smirking.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Farnsworth laughed, and Morita quirked an eyebrow.

“We’re gunna play a game, you in?” Peggy let out a confident chuckle and bumped her shoulder against Steve’s.

“ _Would you rather_ ” Steve looked at her and nodded, turning back to the group.

“Sure, why not?” Gabe cheered as Dum Dum stood, heading over to the bar.

“I’ll go get Sarge, hey Cap, why don’t you get us another round?!” …

* * *

The tension became much more palpable to Steve once Dum Dum managed to convince Bucky to come play. Steve ignored the pain in his chest when Bucky chose to wedge his chair in the tight space between Dum Dum and Morita, instead of the slightly bigger space beside him. No one else seemed to notice, chalking Bucky’s silence as recovery. Steve desperately tried to catch his friend’s eyes across the table, but Bucky had his eyes trained on the scratched wood. Farnsworth rapped his hands on the table and grinned excitedly. “Alright, would you rather marry Rita Hayworth or Katharine Hepburn…”

 

As the night went on, the game slowly moved through the standard categories, overtly sexual, ridiculously absurd and outright sappy. By this time the bar was mostly empty, other than the Commandos and Peggy, there were only a handful of other soldiers in varying states of drunkenness. However, in the end it was Dernier who delivered the deathblow to the evening. Whiskey made him broody, and it would often bleed over into his conversations. “My turn” he mumbled in broken English. The group glanced at him and he knocked the rest of his drink back. “Would you rather save Sgt. Barnes or Agent Carter” the air was suddenly sucked from the table…

* * *

They all openly gaped at the Frenchman, Bucky choking on his own drink. Dum Dum glared at him “what the hell?! You play a game, and this is what you come up with?!” Dernier shrugged and took a sip. Falsworth sighed and took a heaving drink.

“Well, as one Brit to another, I am duty bound to pick Miss. Carter, sorry Sarge.” Bucky gave a rueful smile and shrugged.

“No sweat Monty, I pick Agent Carter too” he winked, and Steve stared at him, feeling his heart plummet into his stomach. Slowly they went around the table, each Commando trying to laugh off the fact as they each chose Peggy. Steve watched in horror as Bucky’s shoulders slumped lower and lower, and Peggy’s blush increased. When the table came around to Steve everyone held their breath. Steve felt Peggy squeeze his leg and could feel Bucky’s slate eyes boring into his face. He looked down at the table and mumbled his answer.

“P-Peggy” she leaned over and kissed his cheek, smiling softly. He risked a glance up and immediately regretted it. The entire table was staring at him in different stages of disbelief. Gabe let out a low whistle and looked around the table uncomfortably.

“Huh, didn’t see that one coming” Steve ignored Morita’s comment and shifted his eyes to Bucky, instantly regretting his decision. 

Bucky’s eyes were wide, not shocked wide, but the kind of wide that happens when you tell a child Santa isn’t real, or that their dog isn’t coming home. Steve barely had the chance to register the shattered look in his eyes before they shuttered off completely, his whole body curling in on himself as he sat frozen with his glass halfway up to his lips, which were now parted as though he was frozen just before a scream. Steve could feel the devastation like a physical presence and even Peggy began to shift uncomfortably. Bucky choked out a laugh and glanced around the group, Steve recognized the look well. It was the Barnes’ patented _time to do damage control_ look. “Good man, Steve, gotta good head on your shoulders” he sent a sideways smirk that didn’t meet his eyes and stood up. “Well, I’m going to go take a piss and hunt down that bartender, whattya say to one more round? Not you Frenchie, I think you’re all funned out though”. He clapped Dum Dum on the shoulder as he strutted past heading towards the washroom. The table sat quietly for a minute before Morita sighed heavily,

“so anyway-“ Dum Dum slammed his hands on the table.

“My turn to answer!” the group all jumped, and Steve looked up to see furious blue eyes locking with his own and found himself unable to look away. Peggy swallowed and sat straight as she looked at him. He sighed heavily and kept his eyes on Steve. “I choose Sgt. Barnes”…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dum Dum is sick of everyone's shit.

The Commandos all looked at Dum Dum, who was desperately trying to calm his breathing, face red with anger. “No offense Miss. Carter, you are one dynamite lady and I have the upmost respect for you. But I’d choose the Sarge a hundred times over.” Peggy nodded

“Thank you for your hon-“ he held up a finger.

“You didn’t let me finish ma’am. I’d choose Sarge any day and I’m willing to bet my pension that if you weren’t sitting here right now, every other idiot at this table would’ve too” Steve swallowed as Dum Dum took a sharp look to his left, his scathing gaze leaving Dernier to find the table absolutely fascinating. “Jacques, when you got thrown in with our lot at Azzano and couldn’t speak  _any_ English. Who was the one who trekked through that entire camp trying to find someone who spoke enough French to help you  _and_ try to teach him at the same time? So he could make sure you knew what was going on? That was Sarge wunnit?” Dernier bit his lip before looking up at him.

“Oui” Dum Dum then turned to Farnsworth,

“And Monty, when they were accusing you of being a queer, who was the first one to shut that shit down? First one to say that even if it was true, it was no one’s damn business and if they had a problem with it to take it up with him?” Falsworth straightened and nodded his head.

“That would be Sgt. Barnes as well”

“And Jim, we all know that the only reason you’re even here right now is because the Sarge shared his rations and his med-pack with you when you got sick” Morita nodded his head and sighed heavily. Dum Dum looked at Gabe and Steve watched as both their eyes filled with tears.

“And Gabe-“

“You don’t have to say it! I know what he did for me, pissing those guards off like that, tauntin ‘em, making them take him off to that lab instead! I seen the scars that left! I know I’m one of the only black men to walk outta there, and it’s cuz Barnes got in the way! You don’t gotta point it out!” Gabe took a heaving breath and knocked back his whiskey, turning sharply to Steve as Dum Dum looked up.

“And then there’s you. Captain Fucking America” Peggy bristled next to Steve and he squared his shoulders. “You wouldn’t have even made it through your childhood without James. And here you sit, tellin’ everyone that if you had to choose, you’d choose some dame over the man you grew up with” he turned his eyes back to Peggy.

“Sgt. Barnes stitched me up using nothing but a safety pin and the thread from his own jacket after we radioed in for backup and your department refused, sending us into that battle undermanned and out of supplies. We begged to be able to fall back, to get backup and you said no, we had to push on. We had to push on and I got shot and they only way they could keep me alive was by stitching my goddamn shoulder back together with a safety pin and thread from my Sarge’s winter coat.” Peggy wiped a rogue tear from her face as Dum Dum leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he allowed his own tears to fall unchecked.

“So, the real question here isn’t would I rather choose Carter or Barnes, the real question is why the fuck do you even think it’s a question in the first place”…

* * *

 

The table was still reeling from Dum Dum’s outburst when Bucky sauntered back to the table. Steve felt his heart break as he noticed the red rimmed eyes and pale face. He’d been crying.

“Well if you can believe it I can’t find that shitty bartender anywhere- what happened?” Bucky’s face immediately clouded over in concern as he looked around at the grim faces. “Who died?” he immediately shot a look at Steve, sliding into his role as second-in-command seamlessly. “Steve, everything alright?” Steve cleared his throat and sniffed, trying to keep himself composed as the reality of what had just occurred made itself comfortable on his shoulders.

“Y-yeah, yeah Buck we’re good. I think we’re all ready to head out though” Bucky nodded and continued to look at the team in concern. He bristled when he noticed Dum Dum’s tear stained face.

“Dugan, y’okay?” Dum Dum looked up at him and cracked a smile, patting his arm as he stood.

“Yeah kid, just had too much to drink. Walk me back will ya?” Bucky immediately nodded and slung one of the large man’s arms around his shoulders. Steve paid close attention and noticed the minute trembling in Bucky and his concern sky-rocketed.  Peggy stood and bid the gentlemen good evening as Steve followed her to the door, dumb to anything else…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is ready to give Bucky a piece of his mind. Until he overhears something he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I would like to apologize for the severe lack of editing in the first two chapters. It was a bit of a word vomit but I have gone back through and cleaned them up so hopefully they run a bit more fluidly now. Sorry!!

“Thank you for walking me back Steve” he nodded and looked at her awkwardly. “W-would you like to come in? I really think I could use the company right now” he looked at her and his chest ached. She was everything he had ever hoped for, and she was right there, and all he had to do was-

“I’m sorry Peggy, you know I can’t” he kissed her cheek politely and began to walk away as she called out gently.

“I wish it was different Steve, but you have to know. That won’t end well, it’s better this way, you’re making a stupid decision” Steve nodded and turned back to her.

“I know it is ma’am, but I’ve got a tendency to take all the stupid with me”…

* * *

 

The barracks were quiet by the time Steve got back. Only a few lights here and there to signal any forms of life in the camp. Steve slumped to his quarters, throat burning with the need to cry in frustration at the evening. It had been a disaster, he never should’ve invited Peggy. Ever since Azzano, all he’d wanted to do was get Bucky to talk to him, to look at him the way he used to. He gripped the door handle to the officer’s quarters and felt his anger beginning to boil. How dare he? How dare he slink around Steve like some wounded puppy for days, then look at him in such devastation when he picked Peggy? No, no that wasn’t fair. Bucky’d been through so much, and Steve had made virtually no effort to get him to talk, to see if he needed help. He stepped away from the door and headed to Bucky’s quarters…

He raised his fist to knock when he heard it, the sniffle. Steve felt his blood run cold, he was ready to just burst in the door when Dum Dum’s firm voice softly echoed through the door. “It’s not true kid, you  _know_ that”

“D-do I? My own best friend wouldn’t save me,  _I_ wouldn’t save me” tears sprang to Steve’s eyes at how broken the voice sounded.

“He’s just tryin’ to impress some dame, y’know in the end he’d choose you.” Bucky let out a hollow laugh and Steve could hear rustling.

“Yeah, Peggy  _fucking_ Carter, what a dynamite gal” the room went silent and Dum Dum suddenly spoke, so quietly that even with his super hearing Steve could barely hear him.

“How long?”

“Beg yer pardon?” Dum Dum heaved a sigh

“How long you been in love with Rogers?” Steve slammed a hand over his own mouth to muffle his gasp as he heard the sudden silence in the room

“Don’t know what you’re talkin ‘bout Dum Dum. But I’d be careful throwing accusations about Cap around” the voice was steely, and Steve had to repress a shudder.

“I ain’t gunna say nothin kid. You know I ain’t, now, how long you been in love with him?” Steve waiting for the denial, the inevitable rage as Brooklyn’s resident ladies’ man defended his honour. It never came. Instead a loud, broken sob forced its way out of Bucky’s throat. “Easy Sarge, I gotcha kiddo, we’re okay, it’s okay”. Steve could hear the muffling as Bucky buried his face into his friend's chest, crying out like the young twenty-six-year-old he was. The bed frame creaked as Dum Dum ushered Bucky onto the bed, holding the boy and rubbing his back in what he prayed was a comforting gesture. Bucky gripped the lapels of Dum Dum's shirt as he heaved with tears.

“It hurts! I tried so hard, but I can’t help it. And he’s so happy with her, with  _Peggy_  and I ain’t her, and I’m never gunna be her and it kills me!” Steve felt his chest begin to heave, eyes blurring and throat closing as Dum Dum shushed the hysterical man.

“I’m so sorry kid, c’mon let’s get you to bed, yeah?” there was some rustling, followed by a sharp intake of breath. “Dammit! James, when the hell did you last get these bandages changed?!” Steve wiped his eyes and frowned. Bucky didn’t have any bandages.

“Iunno, never really thought about ‘em after we got here” Dum Dum groaned.

“For fuck sakes kid, you die o’gangrene and who’s gunna make sure Cap doesn’t die-“ Dum Dum tried to catch himself, but it was too late, and Bucky’s mouth let out another sob against his will.

“He doesn’t need me anymore, he only needed me around because his fists weren’t big enough to keep up with his damn mouth. Now he’s everything he is on the inside on the outside. He don’t need me…” Bucky sniffed and mumbled quietly “iunno know what I’m gunna do, it’s always been me and Steve, now it’s like I disappeared. He didn’t come visit in the med tent, why wouldn’t he come see me? I never left his side when he was sick, never, not once!”

“I know kid, you were real brave when they were checkin’ ya out too. I was there, I saw how well you held it”

“So many needles, I just wanted him there, and he didn’t come” Steve heard the rustling of blankets and Dum Dum sighed

“You just rest kid, I’m gunna go get some stuff to clean this shit up because clearly you ain’t doing it. Be back soon”. Steve tore off around the corner, timing himself to walk into Dum Dum…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE BE ADVISED NEXT CHAPTER DEALS WITH BUCKY'S INJURIES


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally learns what really happened at Azzano, and more about Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of Bucky's injuries. Please proceed with caution!!!!

“Dugan” Dum Dum looked up at Steve, taking in his ragged appearance. He bit his cheek and tilted his chin.

“Captain, something you need?” the voice was cold, and Steve knew it was deserved. He let his shoulders slump and he looked up at the other man.

“How is he Dum Dum? How’s Buck?”

“Ain’t gunna lie Cap, he’s a damn mess. Did you know he ain’t been looked at since you got us outta that camp three weeks ago? His bandages are festering. I gotta get them cleaned, just praying it hasn’t gotten into his blood yet.” Steve inhaled sharply and placed a hand on his mouth.

“He must be in so much pain” Dum Dum studied him for a minute

“Physically? Because I’m bettin’ these booboos don’t hurt near as much as the other ones” Dum Dum shrugged past Steve and started walking to the med tent. “Now, if you’ll excuse me  _sir_ , I need to get some wound tablets, iodine and gauze” Dum Dum went to stalk off and Steve grabbed his shoulder.

“That won’t be necessary, Sgt. Dugan. I’ll tend to Sgt. Barnes, you go get some rest” Dum Dum squared his shoulders and cocked his head to the side.

“That an order captain?” Steve glared

“If it needs to be” Dum Dum snarled and looked him up and down

“Just as well, you’re gunna need like three packs worth, better you stealing from med than me” he shrugged and walked off

“Oh and Cap?” Steve turned back to the man as he tapped his hat in farewell “don’t make me kick your ass".

* * *

 

Steve took a calming breath as he knocked on the door, slowly stepping inside the tiny room. “Buck? You awake?” Bucky let out a soft mumble and sleepily lifted his head off the bed, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed pink. As Steve got closer he realized with dawning horror that it was a fever flush, not a leftover from his weeping.

“Steve…?” he gave a delayed blink and furrowed his brow in confusion. Steve did his best to smile reassuringly and pulled the three-legged stool up next to the bed with a foot, arms still balancing the stolen medkits and water filled basin.

“Yeah Buck, it’s me. I sent Dugan to bed, I’m gunna help you clean up these bandages alright?” he made for the lamp and Bucky immediately sprung to action, lunging over.

“No! I can do it myself, don’t worry about it. Go back over to Peggy’s Steve I’m fine” Bucky gave another smile that didn’t reach his eyes and Steve blinked.

“C’mon Buck, you were always takin’ care of me. Let me help you now pal, please?” Steve didn’t know if it was the puppy eyes, or the exhaustion that caused him to cave, but eventually Bucky just sighed heavily and flopped onto his stomach.

“Fine, but no talkin’ just clean it and buzz off so I can sleep” Steve nodded and grinned, causing Bucky to snort into the pillow as he watched him with one eye “punk” Steve laughed and pinched Bucky’s ear as he reached for the lamp

“Jerk” he lit the kerosene and turned around, promptly dropping the basin as he gasped in horror…

* * *

 

Steve gaped at Bucky in shock. His once smooth and tanned skin was now ghostly pale and marred in bruises and scars. Dark greens, blues and reds bled through the filthy bandages on his chest and back, tape peeling away from pink, inflamed skin. His ribs jutting out like the grooves on George Barnes’ 1935 Ford Coupe steering wheel. Small red circles dotted his body and Steve’s brain helpfully supplied that they were cigar burns.

But nothing had prepared Steve for Bucky’s arms.

Every single vein almost appeared to be glowing through Bucky’s transparent skin. The deep blue an alarming shade against the stark white. Tiny pinprick like scabs scattered all up and down the inside of his arms and Steve felt his own limbs burn with the endless amounts of needle marks along his cubital fossas. “Oh Bucky…” Bucky wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the floor.

“s’not that bad…” Steve felt his blood boil

“Yeah it fucking is Buck, Jesus Christ what did they do to you?!” when Bucky remained silent Steve slammed the bed next to his friend’s form and yelled out in anguish. “Goddammit Bucky answer me!” Bucky whimpered and lurched away from Steve in terror, throwing himself off the bed onto the floor and Steve froze. Tears were making their way down Bucky’s face. He took a steadying breath and held his hands up, mimicking what Bucky used to do when he’d find him beaten senseless in an alley. “I’m sorry Buck, I shouldn’t have yelled. I just- Bucky –  _what happened_?” Bucky shot him a glare and crawled back onto the bed.

“We made a deal Rogers, no talkin’”

“Bucky-“

“You gunna talk, talk to yourself and get the Hell outta my tent” Steve swallowed the retort as he took in Bucky’s trembling state.

“Okay, fine, I’ll drop it. Here, let’s get these bandages off and I’ll go grab more water ‘kay?” Bucky nodded and the two slowly began to peel them off. Steve had to fight down his gag reflex each step of the way. Pieces of dead skin and puss clinging to the gauze, making it almost impossible to remove in some places. And the smell. “Just sit tight pal, be back in a jiffy” Bucky nodded and Steve calmly walked out of the quarters, making it exactly ten steps before he vomited all over the ground.

* * *

 

“They were gunna kill Gabe” Steve glanced up at the back of Bucky’s head as he continued to clean the wounds on his back. He paused for a moment before continuing his task, feeling Bucky relax back into the mattress. “T-they’d gotten us working on this bomber, called it the  _Valkyrie_. I was so tired I could barely stand, but if you stopped-“ Bucky breathed deeply and Steve sent up a silent prayer of gratitude to anyone listening that he could still hear Bucky breathe. “Then, that weaselly little guy, Zola, he started makin’ comments, ‘bout Gabe and the others, decided they were gunna start using them too. They came in to grab him and I knew I couldn’t fight ‘em. But I couldn’t let them take ‘em. So I started running my mouth” Bucky let out a hollow laugh and Steve closed his eyes. “Nazis, they’re such hot heads Stevie, almost as easy to piss off as you really” Steve accepted the awful attempt at humour and tapped Bucky’s hip gently. “They got mad, said they’d do me in first then come back for him once I bit it, so I decided I wasn’t gunna bite it-“ Bucky cut off quick with a sharp intake as Steve gently dabbed the iodine onto the wounds. He grabbed the hand closest to him which was gripping the sheets so hard he was afraid Bucky would tear them.

“Sorry Buck, just hang in there” Bucky groaned and Steve leaned forward to make eye contact with him.

“What was I sayin’ again?”

“That you’re one stubborn sonuvabitch” Bucky laughed weakly.

“Right, I mean, they started small enough y’know? Just a slice here and a dice there, tryin’ to scare me mostly, but then they started experimenting and stuff, seeing how I’d react to things”…

* * *

 

_Bucky lay curled up on the operating table, convulsing as he was held down. They were doing some procedure on his back and had only given him enough pain medicine to keep him alive. He choked on blood and his eyes rolled back as they tweaked something they definitely should not have been. Tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, leaving trails through the dirt on his face “Barnes, James Buchanan. Sergeant. 3-2-5-5-7-0-3-8” Zola laughed, and he whimpered, letting out an agonized cry as pain coursed through him, he screamed through clenched teeth and tried to jerk away. One of the guards laughed and he sobbed again, locking his jaw together and staring at the map on the wall “Barnes, James Buchanan. Sergeant. 3-2-5-5…”_

* * *

 

“They weren’t as mean once I stopped reacting, it was like I was a science experiment at that point, I wasn’t a person anymore” Steve wiped his eyes as he finished re-bandaging his best friend’s back before rolling him over gently. The two locked eyes and Bucky shifted his gaze as he sat up.

“I’m so glad you’re still here” Steve sniffed and rested his forehead against Bucky’s, rubbing his thumb along the knuckles of their still joined hands. “And I’m so sorry you had to go it alone, and that I wasn’t there when you got checked out here. Must’ve been so fucking scary sitting back on a slab like that” Bucky tried valiantly to make himself look un-phased.

“Wasn’t too bad, Dugan was being a damn mother hen” the two locked eyes and Steve watched Bucky’s gaze flick to his lips before coming back up and leaning back, a pained expression crossing his face. “Besides, can’t die out here. Who was going to keep your dumbass out of trouble?” Steve smiled softly and got to work on his friend’s chest.

"Thank Christ for Timothy Dugan".

* * *

 

“There, all patched up” Bucky gave a grateful nod and reclined back onto the bed.

“Thanks Stevie, I won’t let it get that bad again. I’m sorry I ruined your night” Steve froze from where he was cleaning up the supplies, back to Bucky as a sinking feeling made itself at home in his gut once again.

“Whattya mean Buck?” he watched out of the corner of his eye as Bucky ran a shaky hand through his brown curls. It was his tell, he was nervous.

“I mean, I’m sure you had a nice night planned with Peggy, and Dum Dum had to go off and call you in to work” Steve schooled his expression and slowly turned around.

“I-is that why you think I’m here? Because it’s my job?” Bucky looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“Uh yeah Steve, you’re my CO, you’re job is to make sure I ain’t dead remember?” Steve shook his head in exasperation and glared at Bucky

“Seriously Barnes!? You really wanna tell me the  _only_ reason I’d be here right now cleaning you up, is because it’s my  _job_ ” Steve was about to blow up when something stopped him short. Bucky was genuinely confused, genuinely couldn’t believe he was here because he _cared_. Instantly all the anger evaporated from him and he ran a hand through his own hair. “Did you take those pills?”

“Yeah”

“Alright then, shove over” Bucky blinked at him and Steve stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, matching Bucky.

“What are you doing?”

“Those pills can be nasty, I ain’t leaving you to deal with it alone” Bucky bit his lip and nodded softly as they got into the bed, curling up and facing each other. Steve gently brushed the hair back from Bucky’s eyes and whispered softly. “Just like when we were kids huh?” Bucky smiled slowly

“You were smaller then” Steve laughed and grabbed Bucky’s hands again, rubbing them slowly to help improve their poor circulation.

“I remember when it was _my_ hands always cold”

“Used to get so scared…” Steve’s eyes shot up to Bucky’s face. He was beginning to drop off, pills clearly kicking in.

“Scared o’what Buck?” Bucky took several deep breaths and Steve was sure he was asleep when he finally answered.

“Losin’ you…”

“Losing me?”

“Always started with the hands, when ya got sick. It’d be your fingertips at first, you’d have a hard time drawing because yer fingers would get numb and you’d get frustrated” Steve froze, he’d never told Bucky that.

“How d’you know that?” Bucky blinked at him blearily

“Y’used to make these little grumble noises, like an angry cat who wasn’t too angry yet. Then the cold would move into your hands and you’d start rubbin’ ‘em together all the time. That was when I’d start grabbing the extra shifts and pull out some savings, try to get some medicine to stay on top of it. The coughing always came too quick though, depending on how many days between your hands and your cough, I could kinda get an idea of how bad it was gunna be. But they were always bad Stevie” Steve stared at his best friend in awe.

“That’s why you’d get so mad, when I wouldn’t wear your gloves. You knew I was getting sick” Bucky let out a sleepy nod, and Steve could tell he was losing him for the night. “H-how’d you get a system going like that pal, I didn’t even put that together until just now” and it was true, as Bucky said it, it all fell into place. He did have tells, he just didn’t notice them himself.

“You’re my best friend Stevie, you’re the only one I got” with that last mumbled sentence, Bucky sighed into a drug induced sleep. His sweats and shivers indicating the pills were doing their job. Steve felt his eyes fill with tears as he pulled him to his chest, kissing his forehead as he held him tightly.

“You’re the only one I got too Buck”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I got my primitive knowledge of WWII medical kits: https://www.med-dept.com/articles/use-of-contents-of-first-aid-kits-packets/
> 
> Fun Fact: For those of us not medically inclined, the Cubital Fossa is commonly known as the "Elbow Pit".


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dum Dum and the Howlies do damage control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a quick second to say thank you to you all! I never thought I'd actually get the confidence to post my work and I am so glad I finally did. I love all your comments and I love all the opinions. I know my writing isn't A+ but I'm so glad you seem to be enjoying these chapters!! Thank youuuu!!!
> 
>  
> 
> *WARNING: Bucky is rude to a Nazi in a flashback. it's in italics!*

 After Dum Dum left Captain Rogers he immediately headed back to the barracks, switching on the lights and stomping his feet.

“Up and at ‘em boys!” the rest of the Commandos groggily awoke to the booming tone and Morita groaned.

“Dum Dum, what the Hell man!” Dum Dum strode to the middle of the room and waited until they all looked at him.

“It’s about Sarge” the Commandos immediately perked up and looked at him. “He’s in rough shape, real rough. Cap’s with him now but he’s gunna be real slow for the next little while and we all need to do our part” the men hung their heads and nodded, acknowledging the gravity of the situation. “We let him down tonight boys, all of us, and we need to make it right”

“I’m sure I’ve got some stuff in my med-kit for pain and stuff” Morita supplied quickly

“Oui, and I’m sure I will be able to acquire some warmer clothes, his are so worn through” Monty clapped Dernier on the back.

“Well I’m not too bad at sowing old chap, perhaps I can be of assistance?” Gabe nodded and looked at Dum Dum.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to ‘em yet, since it happened. I’ll uh, I’ll make sure I do that”. Dum Dum smiled encouragingly.

“God knows I don’t need to eat as much as I do, and that boy is skin and bones. Let’s patch our Sarge up boys, we need him around for a while”…

* * *

 

“Hey…” Bucky opened his eyes and saw Steve looking at him, smiling softly. The two were still curled around each other in the tiny bunk. Bucky’s fever had broken during the night and he was exhausted but feeling much better.

“Hey Stevie” he croaked softly, and Steve looked at him.

“Gave me a Hell of a scare Barnes, don’t pull that shit again y’hear me?” Bucky nodded and subconsciously curled closer to the warmth of Steve’s body. Steve draped an arm around him and pulled him close.

“Where’s Peggy?” Steve sighed heavily and felt Bucky tense slightly beside him.

“No idea Buck, she ain’t really my priority right now either” Bucky glanced up at him and Steve swallowed thickly. “Look, Bucky, about last night… You gotta know-“

“Hey, you idgits planning on breakfast, or do New Yorkers not do that kinda thing?” Steve let out a deep breath of frustration as Dum Dum’s voice carried through the tent.

“On our way!” Bucky smirked and slowly crawled out of bed. Steve knew he was still weak when he didn’t argue with all his fussing.

“s’weird isn’t it?” Steve muttered a  _hmm?_ from where he was tying Bucky’s boots. “You takin’ care of me, always been me lookin’ after you” Steve looked up at him and smiled, sensing how much loss was actually behind the statement.

“Still look after me Buck, I just get to return the favour now sometimes” Bucky snickered in spite of himself and Steve grabbed his knees, the action bringing their gazes back together. “Still need ya Buck, being bigger just means more space to hold all my stupid” Bucky laughed, and Steve pressed their foreheads together. “Need ya around jerk, and I haven’t done a very good job of makin’ sure you still knew that. I’m sorry Bucky” Bucky smiled and his eyes misted.

“Yeah?” Steve dared press a little closer

“Yeah, more than anything” Bucky closed his eyes and a shaky breath escaped him

“Thanks punk-“

“Let’s go!” the two pulled back and Steve gave him a look to try to hint that the conversation wasn’t over. Bucky winked and the two slowly exited the tent.

* * *

 

 “Here, take this” Bucky jumped as two breakfast rolls dumped onto his tray.

“Dugan, ya gotta eat something too you idiot” Dum Dum knocked his arm and Steve caught him sending a look to Morita.

“Yeah Sarge, that bear was already in here today. He just thought he could handle seconds, and thirds…” Bucky laughed and slowly reached for the rolls with thin hands.

“Thanks Dum Dum. I owe you one” Steve watched as Bucky instinctually shoved a roll onto Steve’s tin plate. Just like when groceries had gotten low back in Brooklyn. Steve shoved it back and smirked.

“I’m good Buck, eat up” Bucky narrowed his eyes and Steve could feel the heat spreading up his neck.

“You really gunna tell me that one roll, a spoonful of soggy eggs and that shit coffee is really enough for you now you’re the size of a house Rogers? Eat the fuckin’ roll” Steve couldn’t help the smirk that followed Bucky’s bickering and ripped it in half.

“I’ll take half, deal?” Bucky grumbled and turned back to his own breakfast as Farnsworth and Dernier arrived at the table.

“ _Bonjour_  gentlemen” Dernier looked over at Bucky and smiled softly. “Sarge, about last night…” Bucky waved a hand in an overly casual dismissal

“It’s fine Frenchie, I know what whiskey does to ya” he nodded and pulled out a small bag.

“I insist you allow me to make amends, please accept this as an apology” Bucky reluctantly took the bag and pulled out a pair of new wool socks.

“T-thank you Jacques, you didn’t have to do that”

“No, my friend, I wanted to”. Bucky smiled and shoved the socks in his inside pocket to keep them safe.

“Thanks pal”…

* * *

 

The commandos walked into their meeting room and Bucky furrowed his brow in confusion as he found his army issued sweater on the table, all patched and stitched. “How’d this get here?” Falsworth waltzed past un-phased

“That thing was an insult to jumpers James, I cleaned it up for you” Bucky gaped at the Englishman and he shrugged. “You Yanks forget to take care of your things, you have one sweater, take care of it” Monty smirked and Bucky blushed.

“Thanks man, so my underwear…?”

“Not on your life Barnes” Bucky threw his head back and laughed, Steve’s heart fluttering as he did so.

* * *

 

Gabe didn’t come around until dinner, quietly shuffling over to the table and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Hey Sarge?” Bucky looked up and lifted a brow

“You okay Jones?” Gabe nodded and rubbed the back of his neck

“Could I talk to you alone for a minute?” Bucky looked around the group before nodding, whole body radiating concern.

“Sure man, let’s head to my tent yeah?” Gabe nodded and the two walked away. Steve watching with eyes like a hawk…

* * *

 

“What’s wrong Gabe? Someone givin’ ya trouble?” Gabe shook his head

“Naw, nothin’ like that. Sarge, I wanted to thank you. For what you did at Azzano-“

“None of that-“

“Yes that!” tears began to gather in Gabe’s eyes. “I knew how tired you were, we all did. You bled yourself dry for everyone else and we all knew as soon as you hit the ground you were down. The moment Zola started talking ‘bout me, I knew my number was up, and I was okay with that. I could accept that. But you didn’t…”

* * *

 

_“This is it?! You’re it? That’s pathetic man” the Nazi charging Gabe froze at the cocky tone behind him and spun around._

_“Excuse me?” Bucky tossed his shoulders back, lifting his chin and rolling his jaw as he strutted into the middle of the cell, using all his will power to hide his exhaustion._

_“oh right, I forgot krauts don’t speak English, do they? Umm okay, schnitzel, fascist, beer, sauerkraut? Did you understand that one Heimlich?” Bucky snorted obnoxiously and the Nazi advanced on him._

_“shut up, or I will do it for you”_

_“Isn’t that funny, I said the same thing to your mother last night, then I made her scream. All. Night. Long” Bucky licked his lips and sent a silent thank-you that Steve wasn’t around to hear this, he’d probably deck him himself. The Nazi fumed and grabbed him by the neck._

_“Fine, since you’re so chatty, we’ll talk to you instead”…_

* * *

 

“I know you got hurt bad Sarge, and it’s on me. I’ll never be able to thank you for what you did, and I know – I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but it is. And you need to know. If I can ever return the favour, I will tenfold” Bucky clapped a hand on his shoulder and smiled kindly.

“Never thank me for that Gabe, I’d do it again – in a heartbeat. I don’t regret it alright? And I don’t want you too either. We’re both here, little scuffed up but still here alright? You never have to thank me for that!” Gabe nodded and the two embraced quickly before Bucky patted his cheek affectionately. “Let’s go grab some of that shit they call dinner before Dum Dum inhales the whole mess hall” Gabe sniffed a laugh and followed him back out…

* * *

 

“How ya feelin’ Buck?” Steve glanced at his friend as they sat around the fire, everyone having their own light conversations. Bucky shrugged and looked at him.

“Still sore and tired. But a lot better than yesterday” Steve smiled and patted his back

“I’m real glad to hear it. I’m glad you’re okay Buck”

“Me too” Steve took a moment to take Bucky in as they sat in a comfortable silence. The way his hair curled slightly when there was no product in it, how his slate eyes shifted slowly across the camp, taking in all the soldiers present. Always watching out for everyone, like some guardian angel. Steve felt his heart clench tightly at the idea of losing him and found himself reaching for Bucky’s hand subconsciously.

“Steve?”

“Let’s go clean up your wounds again Buck, we leave in the mornin’ and I don’t know when we’ll get a good enough med-kit to clean ‘em properly again” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Ugh fine, god you’re worse that Dum Dum” Steve grinned and the two quietly headed back towards Steve’s tent…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stucky in the next chapter. It's a thing fam.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve decides to tell a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: HERE THERE BE STUCKY SMUT**
> 
> Also very brief mention of a gay-bashing, mentioned in passing by Bucky.

The two were quiet as Steve ushered Bucky onto the bed, slowly removing the bandages and reapplying the iodine. Bucky still flinched but not as badly as the night before, and Steve could cry in relief that most of the pink had gone down, there was no blood infection. He looked down at Bucky’s back and saw the outline of Bucky’s muscles. He’d never had a body like Steve’s new one, but between his boxing and working at the docks Bucky had developed a man’s body. A body Steve had always felt safe around, even now with it pale and bruised there was nothing he wanted more than to curl up against Bucky’s chest like they used to in the winter and feel the arms wrap around him again. He finished dressing the bandages and curled in next to Bucky.

“Thanks Stevie, see you in the morning” Steve shot an arm out and grabbed him. Bucky looked down at him and both men could feel the air shift.

“Stay” Bucky nodded, he’d never been able to deny Steve anything, this was no different.

“Y-yeah, sure Stevie” he crawled back onto the bed and the two lay facing each other, Steve grabbed Bucky’s hands like he had the night before and swallowed thickly before whispering.

“Remember when we were little, and we’d have sleepovers and share secrets?” Bucky licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah, your mom would let us make a fort in the living room” Steve smiled at the memory and snickered.

“I gotta secret Buck, but you can’t tell no one” Bucky squeezed his hands reassuringly

“You tell one I tell one, I won’t blab” Steve nodded and breathed deeply

“I didn’t know how bad the war was until I got here. I wouldn’t change what I did, but if I’d known then what I know now I never woulda kept trying” Bucky nodded

“That’s okay Stevie, everyone’s like that”

“Your turn” Bucky sighed heavily, his breath ghosting over Steve’s face

“I cried for three days straight the first time I killed someone” Steve ran his thumbs over the back of his hands “I just kept thinking, what if he was just as scared as me, only his fear came true” Steve let out a low sound and shuffled closer.

“You’re not a bad guy Buck, it’s survival out here. Don’t make you a murderer” Bucky nodded slowly and looked at him

“Your turn”

“I lied when we were playing _Would You Rather_ ” Bucky pursed his lips in confusion

“whattya mean?”

“Would you rather save Sgt. Barnes or Agent Carter. I said Peggy, and I lied” Steve watched the realization slowly dawn on Bucky’s face. “I’d have picked you Buck. Make it real and I’d always pick you” Bucky shook his head in disbelief.

“But Steve, you love Peggy?” Steve shook his head gently

“I do, she’s brilliant, but I don’t think I’m in love with her – no, I  _know_ I’m not in love with her”

“How do you know?”

“Cuz I’m in love with someone else” Bucky’s lips trembled, and he coughed, going to move away and Steve held tight, not allowing him to escape.

“Your turn” Bucky stared at him for a long moment, chewing the inside of his lip.

“I’m gay” Steve could feel Bucky start to shake and swallowed down his own shock and tightened his grip on Bucky’s hands. “I ain’t ever told anyone else that before” Bucky’s voice was shaking, and his eyes were welling with tears. Steve smiled gently and slowly reached a hand up to touch his face.

“S’okay Buck, just breathe” Bucky took a shattering breath and looked back at him. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“You were always getting into fights, and sometimes people were sayin’ it about ya behind your back, I couldn’t risk it about both of us, we lived together. So whenever I heard it said ‘bout you I just got real nasty. You got beat up so much already Steve, didn’t wanna risk dragging you down with me if I got found out. You saw what happened to the Wilkes boy” Steve flinched at the memory and nodded.

“I won’t tell no one Buck. I promise” Bucky smiled gratefully and relaxed again. “H-have you ever made it with a guy Buck?”

“Just once, at basic. Cornered me in the kitchen after hours, guess he just sorta knew” Steve nodded, and Bucky shrugged “s’not that different than kissin’ a girl really, don’t see why it’s such a hub bub” Steve snickered, and Bucky turned to him, changing the subject.

“The person you’re in love with Stevie, do I know ‘em?” Steve smiled and nodded

“Yeah” Bucky nodded before turning a glaring side eye at him

“She treat you right Steve?” Steve breathed out a laugh and rolled his eyes

“Yeah Buck,  _he_ treats me real swell. Best guy I know” Bucky’s eyes went wide and Steve gave a lopsided smile “only one who can’t see it is him” Bucky gaped at him, eyes wide as saucers. “S’my turn to tell a secret Buck”

“Pretty sure you just did Steve” Steve snorted and leaned into Bucky’s space

“Naw, I gotta better one” Steve slid his hand up Bucky’s arm to cup his cheek

“The guy I’m in love with, it’s you”…

* * *

 

Bucky stared at him and Steve waited patiently for the gears in Bucky’s head to finish turning.

“W-what did you say?”

“I said, I’m in love with you, James Buchanan Barnes” Bucky’s chest started to heave and Steve watched in growing concern. “Easy Buck, just breathe”

“Y-you? You’re in love with  _me_?!” he could see the hope dancing in Bucky’s eyes, knowing it was reflected in his own.

“Yeah, I am, a truly am Bucky, honest” Bucky stared at him and a hesitant smile spread across his face

“You’re in love with me” Steve nodded and kissed Bucky’s knuckles. Steve leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, rubbing his nose against Bucky’s.

“C-can I kiss you Buck? Please, wanna kiss you” Steve watched Bucky’s eyes slide closed, feeling his body tremble again, their lips just barely touching.

“Say it again Stevie, tell me you love me again” his voice was so faint that Steve could barely hear him, the breathlessness making him groan as he felt the blood rushing south.

“I love you, Bucky Barnes” Bucky let out a whimper and the fingers of his left hand laced with Steve’s.

“Yes…” Steve surged forward, capturing Bucky’s lips in his own, rolling him gently onto his back and tracing his tongue along Bucky’s lips until he opened them invitingly, letting out a moan Steve was sure would be the death of him. Bucky plunged his other hand into Steve’s hair, holding his head in place as he gave as good as he got. Steve pulled back and began to pepper kisses along his jaw and neck, savouring each sound passing the other man’s lips.

“S-Stevie, fuck… Love you, love you so much” Bucky spread his legs and Steve made himself at home between them. He slowly lowered his considerable weight down and buried his face in Bucky’s neck as their arousals brushed together.

“This okay?” Bucky nodded quickly, thrusting up against Steve.

“Yeah, yeah, s’good, it’s so good…” Steve brought their joined hands above Bucky’s head, leaning down to capture his lips again. He slid his hand from Bucky’s to run it gently down his side, stopping at the waistband of his boxers. Bucky undulated against him and pressed his lips against his ear. “C’mon Stevie, touch it, please, touch me” Steve’s eyes rolled back into his head and he stopped for a second to breathe.

“Jesus Christ Buck…” he tugged Bucky’s pants down and suddenly froze. He had no clue what he was doing. Bucky gently took his face in his hands and kissed him chastely. “Don’t know what I’m doing”

“Yeah ya do Stevie, s’no different. Just do what makes you feel good on me, and I’ll do what makes me feel good on you” Bucky slowly slid a hand down Steve’s own shorts and took him in hand, kissing him again as he gave a gentle squeeze. Steve’s hips stuttered and he choked on a moan.

“Fuck, Bucky”

“So hard, just for me right sweetheart, we ain’t gunna share this” Steve pulled himself together long enough to get a hold of Bucky’s own member. Bucky stuttered and lost his rhythm at first, but soon the two were in time, their precum enough to smooth the way.

“Just you doll, don’t want no one else. Just you and me” he gently bit Bucky’s shoulder and he arched back.

“Love you so much Stevie, been wanting this so long, you got no idea” Steve moaned and sped up his hand, pressing his thumb against the slit and twisting his wrist. Bucky’s hands shot to the sheets and his eyes popped open, arching clear off the bed.

“Steve!” Steve smirked and did it again, murmuring into Bucky’s ear.

“Gunna come for me Buck, c’mon, give it to me baby, please. Gunna make you feel so good, always. Come on Buck, just let it go for me” he repeated the action again and again, Bucky biting his lip to keep from screaming.

“P-please, Steve please…”

“Please what Buck? anything, just ask”, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, burying his face into his neck.

“S-say it again, please, say it”

“I love you” Bucky moaned long and low into Steve’s mouth, his release splattering over both their stomachs, Steve’s own hips jerking against the groove of Bucky’s hip.

“Come for me Stevie, let me feel you” Steve opened his mouth in a silent scream, dropping his forehead onto Bucky’s chest as he came, adding to the mess on their bodies. Steve moaned and Bucky wrapped his arms around him, reaching onto the floor and grabbing his undershirt, cleaning them both off. Steve rolled off of him and pulled him into his arms. He gazed down at the brunette and brushed his hair back.

“Hey…” Bucky beamed up at him and pressed his face into his neck, wrapping his arms around him. Steve knew tomorrow they’d need to discuss this, what they were going to do. But right now, Bucky was curled tightly around him, and he could feel the smiled pressing into his collarbone.

“I love you Steve”

“I love you too Bucky”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy gives a warning, Steve gets stubborn, and the Howlies do what they do best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really just more of a little filler chapter than anything else. :)

“Captain Rogers, a word” the Commandos all glanced around at each other as Agent Carter’s strong voice echoed through the camp. Bucky shot a quick glance at Steve who smiled softly and zipped up his duffel bag.

“Yes ma’am?” she spun on her heel and marched to the war room, Steve jogging to keep up with her. The Commandos all shared a concerned look and Morita turned to Bucky

“Any idea what that’s about?” Bucky rubbed his neck, touching the hickey just under the collar of his blue coat.

“Nope, ain’t jealous of him though”

* * *

 

“Peggy-“

“You and Barnes” Steve stopped short and looked at her nervously. She was fuming.

“Let me ex-“

“I gave you an opportunity to save yourself and Barnes, and you threw it back in my face!” Steve sighed in frustration and glared at her.

“That’s enough, I appreciate you trying to help. But we can handle ourselves.” Peggy glared at him

“He’ll be court marshalled, do you really want to risk this” Steve nodded and squared his shoulders.

“This how it’s gunna be ma’am?” the two locked eyes and she pointed at him.

“Just remember Rogers, the consequences will be on you” Steve took a step towards her and snarled low

“You threatening me Peggy?-“

“Captain?” the two turned to see Bucky and Morita standing in the door, both at attention. Morita shifted uncomfortably and looked at Bucky nervously. Bucky sent Peggy a polite smile and nodded.

“Ma’am” he said respectfully and Peggy pushed her tongue to her cheek. Steve coughed and looked at his two men

“All set fellas?” Morita nodded and Bucky squared his shoulders.

“Jeep’s loaded Cap, just waitin’ on you and Mr. Stark” Steve smiled and nodded.

“Great, I think we’re done here? Anything else ma’am?” Peggy nodded and locked eyes with Steve.

“You’re dismissed Captain, for now” he nodded and the three men left.

* * *

 

“She’s pissed” Steve snorted as Bucky looked at him with a smirk. The flames of the campfire dancing on his face.

“What gave it away?” the two laughed quietly as they looked around at the other Commandos, Dum Dum’s snoring echoing through the woods. Bucky’s smirk faded softly and he rubbed his hands.

“S’about me isn’t it?” Steve swallowed thickly.

“She’s threatening to out us” Bucky looked at Steve and studied his face.

“ _Us_ or  _me_?” Steve swallowed thickly

“You Buck, she’s threatenin’ you” Bucky nodded

“She’s worried about ya Stevie, and I don’t blame her. This could ruin you” Steve raised an eyebrow and looked at him incredulously.

“Because I care about my reputation” Bucky chuckled and shook his head

“Naw, that’s been my job”

“You breaking up with me Barnes?” Steve teased, but the look in his eyes gave his hesitance away. He didn’t want to lose Bucky after having him for less than forty-eight hours. Bucky reached over and grabbed one of Steve’s hands, pressing his lips to his knuckles.

“I’m too selfish for that sweetheart, if someone’s gunna end this it has to be you”

“Good, guess we’re stuck together huh?” Bucky glanced around the campfire, confirming everyone was asleep before leaning over and pressing a kiss to his lips

“Till the end of the line pal” Steve smiled and slid off the log to sit on the ground, pulling Bucky next to him. Bucky nudged him a little and slung an arm around his broad shoulders.

“Get some sleep Steve, I’ll take watch”

“Make sure you wake me up” Bucky pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, murmuring in the affirmative as he pulled him to rest against his side, head on his chest.

“Almost too big for this now” Bucky tightened his hold briefly and his eyes scanned the area around the camp.

“Not yet you’re not” Steve snickered and closed his eyes, drifting into an easy sleep…

* * *

 

“This is exhausting”

“You’re exhausting”

“Somethin’ you wanna say Ace?”

“ _Oh mon Dieu_ ” The Commandos all collectively groaned as Morita and Dum Dum continued to bicker their way up the mountainside. Dernier muttered something to Gabe who belted out a laugh as they stopped along a creek. Steve walked up from where he was bringing up the rear and looked at the two in disappointment.

“Problem fellas?” Bucky and Falsworth exchanged smug looks, already knowing what Steve had just walked himself into.

“Yeah, tell mustache for brains over here that maybe if he didn’t flap his big gums so much, maybe he’d have more energy to actually walk!”

“Well excuse me for voicing my opinion!” the two began squabbling and the other men started laughing as Steve tried to regain some control.

“Okay, okay, stop it, both of you, that’s an-“

“ _Hush!_ ” the six men immediately shut up at the harsh whisper. Bucky staring off to the left on the other side of the creek where some bushes were.

“Buck-“

“shh!” Steve held his shield as the others grabbed their weapons, Steve caught the familiar glint of sun on metal and raised his shield.

“Get down!” instantly the Commandos dropped down the side of the embankment as the air erupted in bullets.

* * *

 

 “I make three hostiles-“

“Four” Gabe looked over at Bucky, who gestured up the mountainside “they got a sniper” Dum Dum chuckled darkly

“Fan-fucking-tastic” Steve glanced over at Bucky and glanced it the direction of the sniper

“Can you get him?” Bucky shot him a dark look and rolled onto his back, shimmying down the mountainside

“Don’t insult me Rogers” with that, he rolled into some bushes and disappeared. Dernier looked at Steve and held up a grenade.

“Ready at your command Captain”

“Wait till we get that sniper out, then they’re all yours”.

The fire fight continued for about twenty minutes before one sharp shot rang out in the lull. A black form fell down the mountainside and the HYDRA operatives stopped to look at their fallen sniper. “Now Dernier!” Dernier leapt into the air and hurled the grenade across the creek where it landed at their feet.

“Take cover!” they all dropped as the explosion wracked the ground, Steve shielding the team as best he could. They all stepped back and let out relieved laughs, Steve feeling his body relax as Bucky marched back over.

“What was it you were saying about my big gums there, Ace?” Dum Dum clapped Morita on the shoulder and Morita rolled his eyes, turning to Bucky.

“Good eyes Sarge” Bucky winked and blew a kiss at him.

“And here I figured you just thought I was a pretty face” Steve could feel the blush spreading at the playful words as he began prodding the group to start climbing again.

“Not with an ugly mug like that I don’t!” the laughter petered out as they started marching and Steve slid back to walk beside Bucky.

“You okay?” he smiled and nodded.

“Yep, you alright?” Steve nodded in turn and Bucky bumped his shoulder playfully.

“Awwe, Stevie, were you worried about lil ol’me?” Steve went bright red and Bucky cackled.

“What, I worry about everyone, you’re not special!”

“Mmhmm, keep tellin’ yourself that Steve” the super soldier rolled his eyes and jogged to the front of the group.

“Come on guys, Stark’s waiting for us in Dinkelsbuhl, gotta get there by dark”

“What a fuckin’ name for a town” Gabe snorted and the group erupted into laughter again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Dinkelsbuhl is a real place and it is absolutely stunning. Please take a peek at it!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard Stark is a good bro.

“Gentlemen, what took you so long?” Howard taunted playfully as Steve and Bucky entered the tavern-turned-headquarters.

“Ran into some old friends on the mountain” Bucky retorted dryly, Steve noticing the tension in his shoulders. Howard nodded in understanding and looked between the two.

“Ah, always fun, glad to see you’re recovering well sergeant, we were all very worried” Bucky waved a hand dismissively and Steve cleared his throat.

“So, what’s the plan”…

* * *

 

“I don’t like it Steve”.

“Bucky…” Bucky shook his head sharply and turned the corner.

“It’s not sitting right, you can’t just run off alone like that, you need backup”.

“No I don’t, look I get your worried but this is the easiest way to get the plans, in-out, stealth mode” Bucky shot him a sharp glare.

“When have you  _ever_ been stealthy Steven, you’re like a damn bull in a china shop and you know it. You can’t go in by yourself” Steve snorted angrily.

“And who exactly is coming with me,  _you_?! You’re barely healed” it was a low blow and he knew it. Bucky wasn’t stupid, he knew he was in no state to break into a HYDRA thinktank with Steve. That didn’t mean that he wanted his nose rubbed in it.

“I never said that! Take fuckin’ Monty for all I care just don’t go in alone!” Steve shook his head and dropped his duffel on his bed, turning his back to Bucky.

“Drop it Buck, it’s happening” Steve prepared himself for more yelling and stopped in surprise when no reply came. He slowly turned around and froze.

Bucky was standing with his right arm wrapped around his stomach, fingers of his left hand pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes squinted shut tightly. He was letting out short, sharp breaths and Steve recognized the look. Bucky was trying to rein himself back in before he said something stupid, it wasn’t a look Steve was unfamiliar with and it usually stemmed from his back-alley brawls.

“Bucky…”

“Ya don’t have to go it alone all the time Steve, especially when it’s like this. It’s not some creep gettin’ too handsy with a dame at the Stork Club. You are entering a HYDRA thinktank, it’s going to be crawling with those bastards and they’re just dying to get their hands on you. Why is it so fucking hard for you to have someone watch your back? You may be the pride of the US Army but you aren’t God Steve, you don’t have superpowers. They can kill you and they  _will_ kill you if they have the chance. Why can’t you just accept the fact that you don’t have to do everything alone. You’re fucking selfish Steven Grant” Steve barely had time to register what was happening before Bucky had turned around and headed to the door. Panic swelled in his chest and he lunged after him.

“Wait! Buck come on, where are you going!?”

“Goin’ for a damn drink, don’t wait up” Steve groaned and fell back onto his bed, he needed advice. 

* * *

“I completely understand where he’s coming from” Steve shot a glare at Howard as he plopped into the chair across from him. “C’mon pal, you really don’t?” Steve shrugged and swirled the bourbon around in his glass.

“I’m the most equipped for this, we all know it”.

“Well yeah, and he didn’t say you weren’t. I agree with him honestly, you shouldn’t go in alone, that shield may as well be a bullseye on your back” Steve rolled his eyes and shot him a look, which Howard promptly returned.

“Have you ever considered the fact that it doesn’t have anything to do with who you are and everything to do with  _who_ you are?” Steve looked at Howard like he’d grown a second head and the genius sighed.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe Bucky doesn’t see Captain America? He just sees Steve Rogers?” Steve shook his head and Howard continued on “I mean, if for my whole life my best friend weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet, was constantly sick and then suddenly he shows up half-way round the world looking like he popped out of some comic book. I’d have questions too”.

“But he doesn’t have questions, he just won’t let me do what I can”.

“He never said you couldn’t do it. He just said you shouldn’t have to do it by yourself. Barnes is allowed to worry about his best friend running off on some dangerous mission alone, how would you feel if it were reversed?” Steve went silent and hung his head. “I’ll see if I can tweak the plans a little for a second person, we’ve got a few days so there’s no harm in just brainstorming” Steve finished his drink and nodded, shaking Howard’s hand.

“Thanks pal, I owe you one” Howard grinned.

“When I have kids I’ll make you babysit and we’ll call it even” Steve laughed and nodded his head.

“Sure thing, Stark, whatever you say”…

* * *

Steve looked up from where he was reading as the door to his room opened. Bucky shuffled in and closed the door, rubbing his face with his hand as he looked up.

“Thought I told you not to wait up” Steve sighed and set the book down, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and watching as Bucky stripped.

“Bucky…”

“Can it punk, I need to sleep” Steve stood up and walked up behind the smaller man, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his lips just under his ear. He could feel Bucky warring with himself, wanting so badly to relax into his arms.

“Talked to Howard, he’s gunna try to make the plan work for two, so I’ll have back up” Bucky’s eyes darted to his in the mirror briefly before going back to folding his clothes.

“Good, at least someone has sense” Steve let him putter for a minute before resting his chin on his shoulder, tightening his hold on him.

“I’m sorry I scared you” Bucky tensed instantly and stopped what he was doing, “I know I scared you Buck because if you agreed to a plan like that I’d be fuckin’ terrified” Bucky swallowed and turned into his arms, smiling up at him sadly.

“I got almost twenty years of being scared you were gunna drop dead over a stiff breeze, now I gotta sit by and watch you run into Nazi camps” Steve nodded gently and pulled his hips in so they were flush against each other.

“I know, and I was so excited that you didn’t hafta worry anymore that I forgot how hard it was gunna be for you to stop” Bucky rested his forehead against Steve’s and closed his eyes. Steve pressed a kiss to his eyelids and nuzzled their noses together.

“I’ll never stop worrying about ya Stevie, you know that” Steve smirked and rubbed circles on Bucky’s hips with his thumbs.

“I’m Captain America, Buck, I’m invincible” he teased and Bucky looked into his eyes.

“Yeah, but Steve Rogers ain’t” Steve nodded.

“No, he ain’t, that’s why we’re gunna try to get me some backup” Bucky sagged into his arms and pulled him down for a deep kiss before pulling away to breathe a soft  _thank-you_  against his lips. The two fell into Bucky’s bed and Steve pulled Bucky to his chest, spooning him and lacing their fingers together.

“Told you Steve, m’selfish, don’t wanna lose you” Steve buried his nose into Bucky’s hair and pressed kisses to his neck.

“You won’t Buck, we’ll figure something else out” the two shared one last kiss before curling up together, eyes drifting shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be Steve's mission to get the plans for the HYDRA base and more details will come with them :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard makes a plan. Bucky and Peggy talk, and Steve sets a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: Please be advised that this chapter is not Peggy friendly!!* :(

The Commandos were all standing in the Control Room, watching as Howard gestured wildly at a map and set of blueprints.

“So, Captain, you and Brigadier Falsworth will be dropped here, at which point you will move along the southwest corner until you reach the delivery entrance-“

“What about the watch tower at eighty-four degrees” Bucky asked quickly, Dum Dum nodding in agreement. Howard smiled excitedly.

“That’s where you come in, Sgt. Dugan. You will be in the craft with myself and Private Jones, once we drop them. We will turnabout and come around from the Northeast, creating a distraction” Dum Dum chuckled and cracked his knuckles.

“Sounds like a party” Gabe rolled his eyes and turned back to Howard.

“Then what?”

“Then we wait. Privates Morita and Dernier will be waiting at seventy-five degrees east with the evac Jeep” Howard sighed “if everything goes well, we’ll be back by dawn”.

“And if it doesn’t go well?” Falsworth said suspiciously. The tension circled the room and Steve coughed.

“Then we send Barnes in for Recon.” The tension broke with soft laughter and Bucky smirked.

“Sgt. Barnes, you and Agent Carter will remain here, being our eyes and ears in the event anything changes” the two nodded and shared a cold look.

“Sounds fun” Howard rubbed his hands together and grinned.

“Excellent, we leave at sundown” .

* * *

“Remember to mind your legs, you don’t cover them enough, can’t get outta there if you get shot in the leg” Bucky murmured sternly as Steve checked his belt again, loading up the plane.

“I will”

“And make sure you listen to Monty, he’s got more training for this stuff than any of us. If he says you gotta bail out, bail out” Steve nodded patiently.

“Got it Buck”

“Don’t play hero either, you get in you get out. You don’t gotta take the base down, they’ve got B Company coming in to do that after, just get the prints” Steve sighed through his nose and leaned his hip against the side of the loading bay.

“Yes ma, and I won’t talk to strangers and I’ll wash behind my ears and I’ll look both ways before I cross the-“

“Okay, okay I get it, I’ll shut up” Bucky breathed a laugh and looked up at him, nodding to himself. Steve glanced around the airstrip and gently grabbed his elbow.

“It’s gunna be fine. Hey, when I get back, let’s go dancing” Bucky looked at him incredulously.

“Dancing?” Steve nodded.

“Yeah, I found a place, it doesn’t ask questions. Dinner and dancing - don’t even have to wear our uniforms” Bucky nodded and a blush kissed his cheeks.

“You askin’ me on a date Rogers?” Steve smirked and stepped into his space and dropped his voice low.

“What if I am?” Bucky shot a cheeky grin and stepped away as they heard Dum Dum’s loud voice coming up behind them. He gripped Steve’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper

“If we both survive this, pick me up at seven, don’t be late” Steve grinned and winked at him.

“Yes sir” he patted Bucky’s arm in turn and looked at the others who were gathering. Howard sauntered up, excitement radiating off of him at the opportunity to get involved in a mission.

“Alrighty fellas, we all set? Sgt. Barnes, Agent Carter is waiting for you in the Control Room” Bucky nodded and gave a two-fingered salute.

“Be safe guys” he locked eyes with Steve and he sent him a reassuring smile

“Try not to fight with Peggy too much huh?” Bucky tossed a look over his shoulder and smirked

“I make no promises” Steve watched in concern as he walked away.

“Alright boys, suit up!”

* * *

 

“Sgt. Barnes” Bucky nodded respectfully and took his place watching the SONAR.

“Ma’am” she turned to him and walked close, dropping her voice low so the other officers in the room couldn’t hear them.

“I know about you and Steve” Bucky squared his shoulders and clicked his jaw, the only indication he’d heard her.

“You have to end it James” Bucky stared at the screen, tapping the soldier in front of him.

“Radio Stark, notify of two possible hostiles in east corner by drop site”

“Yes Sir” he stepped back and sent her a quick look.

“This is not the time or place Miss. Carter” she turned back to the screen briefly and tapped the soldier in front of her.

“Please advise Stark the hostiles have retreated back to the base, the area is now clear” she turned to him sharply and he glanced out of the corner of his eye.

“You will get him killed James. Not even Captain America is above the law” Bucky faltered and looked at her nervously.

“You need to break it off, he has a  _chance_  with me. To be happy, have a family. He will  _never_  have that with you, ever. Pull your head out of your ass and stop being so selfish” Bucky swallowed thickly and growled at her.

“You’re outta line. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do” Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, blinking back his tears and focusing on the task at hand.

* * *

“It’s too quiet here Captain, I don’t like it” Falsworth murmured as the two slunk down the large empty hallways.

“Just keep moving Monty, we’re almost there” Falsworth grabbed the back of Steve’s suit and yanked him back around the corner.

“It’s. Too. Quiet” Steve heard Bucky’s voice in his head  _he’s got more training than any of us_. Steve nodded and the two looked at one another.

“Kay, what do you wanna do?” Falsworth looked up and down the hall

“Radio into Control, see if they can see anything” Steve nodded and they tucked into the alcove, radioing to base.

* * *

_"Rogers to base, over”_ Peggy and Bucky fell over one another running to the radio, it would’ve been comical to anyone watching.

“Rogers this is Barnes, what’s going on Steve? Over”

_“The base is dead, got eyes on anything? Over”_ Bucky glanced at Peggy who was staring at the screen.

“Tell Captain Rogers there are six hostiles in the right wing, they appear to be gaining in formation, he also has seven coming up behind” Peggy’s voice shook and Bucky felt panic in his heart.

“Rogers you have an ambush, you got thirteen hostiles, six in front seven rear, they know you’re coming, get out now!”

_“Roger that, taking evasive action, will radio in shortly for update, over”_ Bucky went rigid as the radio cut out again. 

* * *

 

“Where are they?” Morita and Dernier looked at each other nervously as they sat in the jeep, the sun slowly rising. Dernier shrugged his shoulders and shifted anxiously.

“C’mon Cap.” Morita grabbed his radio and called in.

“This is Private Morita to base, any word on Rogers and Falsworth’s status? Over” Peggy’s hesitant voice echoed over the line

_“Negative, last check in was approximately two hours ago, over”_ the men swallowed thickly and Morita spoke again.

“Roger that ma’am, will radio in if we hear any-“

“There they are!” Dernier yelled, starting the car as Steve and Falsworth ran over the ridge.

“We got ‘em ma’am, and they have the plans over” Morita could hear the relieved sigh and Peggy’s voice crackled through the radio.

_“Roger that, get back ASAP, over and out”..._  

* * *

 

Bucky and Peggy shared a relieved sigh as Morita cut the transmission. He nodded at her and she wiped a tear.

“Thank God” Bucky swallowed thickly and inhaled deeply through his nose, heading to the exit.

“I’ll let the guys know, they should be checking in soon anyways” he was halfway out the door when Peggy spoke firmly again.

“I didn’t dismiss you Sgt. Barnes” Bucky went ramrod straight and several soldiers in the room paused to look at him, he rolled his jaw and turned back around, standing at attention.

“Apologies ma’am. Sgt. Barnes requesting permission to be dismissed ma’am” she smirked and looked him up and down quickly.

“Granted, please inform Captain Rogers that he is to immediately report to me upon his return to base” Bucky saw the challenge in her eyes and nodded.

“Yes ma’am” with that he turned and all but ran from the control room… 

* * *

 

“You crazy sonuvabitch!” Dum Dum bellowed, clapping Falsworth on the back as the Jeep stopped in the center of camp. The four men climbed out and Steve locked eyes with Bucky, grinning.

“Falsworth was the one who chose to risk it, it wasn’t me this time!” Bucky smirked and walked up, clapping them both on the shoulders. Falsworth held up the roll of schematics victoriously.

“Take that Zola, you pig-faced wanker! I cannot wait to see the look on his face when we show up in Austria!” Steve shook his head.

“We got a long way to go first Monty, calm down for a minute. Barnes, can I talk to you for a sec?”  Steve sent a pointed look and Bucky smiled softly as his demeanor sobered.

“It’ll have to wait Cap. Agent Carter is requesting your immediate presence in Control. I’m assuming it’s for a debrief” Steve squinted his eyes and nodded his head as understanding dawned on him.

“Well, orders are orders. I’ll find you later then. Get some sleep everyone, we earned it” the request got rounding huzzahs as the others walked away. Steve gently grabbed Bucky’s elbow and whispered in his ear.

“Seven. Don’t be late” Bucky looked at him slyly.

“I’m never late” with that, Bucky shuffled off to the hostel they were staying in and Steve clenched the blueprints in his hand, stalking towards the Control room, and Peggy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve draws a line, Dum Dum outdoes himself, and our boys get a much needed night alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS GRATUITOUS SMUT, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED**

“Captain Rogers, so glad you’re still with us” Steve forced a smile and nodded.

“Thank you ma’am. Here are the blueprints for Zola’s lab in Austria. My report will be completed by five o’clock” Peggy smiled.

“Excellent! That leaves you free this evening.”

“Actually ma’am-“

“There are some very important donors to the War Effort in Heidelberg. Stark has promised them the opportunity to meet Captain America.”

“Ma’am, my men need a rest, I’m not going to ask them to put on their dress for a night when they’re in desperate need of R’n’R”

“You misunderstand. This invite is for you only captain. Dress uniform is expected, I’ll send a car for you at seven” she grabbed the blueprints and quickly walked away “and Steve, bring the shield”…

* * *

 

Steve dragged his feet walking back to the hostel. Bucky had played it off well, but Steve knew he was excited for their evening. He scrubbed a hand over his face and trudged in the door barely glancing at Dum Dum who was flirting with the young woman at the front desk. “Hey Cap! How was the meeting?” Steve groaned and Dum Dum sauntered over “that bad, huh?” Steve looked at Dum Dum and rolled his eyes.

“Naw, just lost my evening is all” Dum Dum furrowed his brow and glanced around the lobby.

“You mean your plans with Barnes?” Steve went rigid and quickly walked into a nearby sitting room, closing the door behind them.

“What do you know about that?!” Dum Dum put his hands up in a placatory gesture.

“Relax Steve, I ain’t blabbin’. I’ve been with Barnes since basic. Once you showed up it wasn’t hard to put ‘Steph’ and ‘Steve’ together” Steve looked at him nervously and Dum Dum shrugged. “He also stole an iron to clean up his dress shirt, but took all the markers off it, so I’m assuming you’ve found a safe place to have a little get together” Steve looked at him warily and Dum Dum smirked.

“That kid’s like a son to me Cap, I don’t give a shit. We’re at war, take the happy you can get that’s what I say” Steve shrugged.

“Wish it were that simple.”

“Who says it ain’t? go to your dog and pony show and come back and take the boy out.”

“It’ll be too late by then” Dum Dum looked at him.

“I could set somethin’ up for ya. For a cost that is?” Steve raised an eyebrow.

“Oh really? And what would that be?” Dum Dum shrugged innocently.

“The building next to this is empty, and only one entrance ain’t boarded up, someone could let’s say, go in, clean it up, acquire a radio and some rations” Steve gaped at him.

“Tim, are you offering to set up a vacant building for Bucky and I to have a date?” Dum Dum made a non-committed face.

“Perhaps, for a price anyway?”

“Name it.”

“You tell that dame down at the counter whatta catch I am, she’ll listen to Captain America” Steve barked out a laugh.

“That’s it?” Dum Dum smirked.

“Well, I want your bacon at breakfast too” Steve stuck out a hand quickly.

“Deal”…

* * *

 

Bucky was sitting on the floor of their shared room, leaning over the small mirror as he precariously shaved his face with his straight razor. His dress shirt pressed and draped over the chair in the room, his pants neatly folded and boots shined. He wouldn’t look as nice as he did back in Brooklyn, but he wasn’t going to look like a schmuck either. He rinsed the razor in the basin as Steve opened the door. “Hey, so where is this thing anyways? Like do we need to-“

“Buck…” Bucky immediately knew that tone, turning on his million-watt smile as he looked up at the blonde.

“Don’t worry about it Steve. S’probably just going to be some filthy hole in the wall anyway. Probably got rats” his smile was cracking but he held it well, and Steve wondered how many times in their lives Bucky had plastered on a smile for his sake.

“It’s for the war effort – they want to meet  _Captain America_ ” Steve grumbled, plopping down on the floor next to him. He could smell the product in Bucky’s hair and felt his heart clench again, knowing he only had a tiny bit left and was very vocal about saving it for special occasions.

“I bet Peggy really appreciates you going through all that trouble, dressing up and takin’ her out like that” Bucky growled, jealousy shining through. Steve looked at him in surprise.

“Bucky, are you  _jealous_ of Peggy?” Bucky turned to look at his lover as he wiped the remaining shaving cream from his face.

“Naw, she’s endgame. Just not a fan of her throwing it in my face” Steve looked at him in confusion

“What now?” Bucky sighed and leaned back against the bed frame, bending one knee and leaving the other leg out straight.

“This is fun Stevie, but you and I both know this ain’t sustainable after this is all over. When the War ends you’ll be a big hero, marry Peggy and settle down in England and pop out lots of babies. I’ll go back to Brooklyn and be the best friend you tell your kids about and write letters to until eventually you just forget and we fade into a pleasant memory” Steve stared at him, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Where the  _Hell_ is this coming from!?” Bucky raised an eyebrow at him

“C’mon Steve, take a look at reality here. You’re gunna hafta choose. She may not be as tactful as she could be, but she’s in the right place. She cares about you, she’s  _safe_ for you. I’m not” Steve let out a low growl and climbed to his feet.

“Be ready at nine sharp. I mean it Buck, nine o’clock” Bucky sighed heavily, nodding and pulled himself up, heading over to dump the basin.

“Sure Stevie, whatever you want.” Steve rolled his eyes and stalked out of the room.

* * *

 

The hall was beautiful, all the colours and stunning artwork taking Steve’s breath away as he stepped inside. Last time he’d been to an art gallery was for an early birthday present from Bucky in 1937. His mom had died the year before and Bucky had hoped that taking him to the museum would lift his spirits. They’d ended up sitting on the floor in the Renaissance Room after Steve had spotted one of his mother’s favourite paintings and had promptly burst into tears. Bucky fretting the whole time, alternating between supportive and guilt-ridden.

“Isn’t it lovely?” Steve nodded and politely held his arm out to Peggy as they walked in, she looked positively stunning in her green dress and dark red lips, and Steve knew he had the prettiest girl on his arm. The two mingled comfortably, exchanging opinions on the work until donors started arriving. Peggy latched onto his side as he continued to shake hands and smile and schmooze. Never far away when he was overwhelmed. He glanced over at the large grandfather clock which read eight-thirty and began edging towards the door.

“Where you sneaking off to?” Steve cringed as Howard walked up behind him.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer, really I am, I’m just exhausted from that mission, I think I landed funny jumping off that roof” Howard laughed and let out a dramatic sigh.

“Nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” Steve shook his head remorsefully

“Sorry pal, I promise I’ll be on my A-game for the next one” Howard smirked and shook his hand

“Deal, have a good night, I’ll give your regards to Miss. Carter” Steve muttered a thank you and slid out the side door.

* * *

 

“Steven Rogers!” Steve brought himself up short and turned around, watching in terror as Peggy stormed towards him, God she was terrifying.

“Look, Peggy, I’m sorry, but I really need to-“

“I know where you’re going, off with  _him_ ” Steve shot a nervous glance around and Peggy closed her eyes and sighed.

“At the party, weren’t you having fun?” Steve nodded

“Of course I was Pegs, but-“

“And was I not good company?”

“It’s not like that Peggy” tears filled her eyes.

“I’m offering you salvation here Steve. Being with Barnes will cause you nothing but pain and you know it,  _he_ knows it and I know it. You and I, we can be  _happy_ , we don’t need to hide how we feel. Of course it’s not fair, but life isn’t fair and sometimes you have to cut your losses to save yourself.”

Steve closed his eyes, she was right, of course she was right. She was throwing him the lifeline he needed and yet-

_“Just get out of here! Go!”_

_“No! Not without you!”_

Steve looked at her, his tears matching her own. “I’m sorry Peggy, but this is my decision, allow me the dignity of my choice” a soft sob escaped her as he turned and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking into the night…

* * *

 Dum Dum grinned and laughed to himself, rubbing his hands together as he surveyed his handiwork “Timothy Dugan you handsome genius, you’ve outdone yourself” he snuck back out the building and ran into Steve in the lobby.

“Captain, right on time” Steve grinned

“I try to be” they looked around the mostly empty lobby and Steve swiped a rose from one of the arrangements. Dum Dum scoffed teasingly and handed him a torch and pack of matches.

“S’all set up Cap. Don’t forget, we start at 0900 tomorrow” Steve nodded, skipping up the stairs to the third floor.

 The clock signaled 9:15 when there was a knock at the door. Bucky sighed and stood up from where he was bending over to take his boots off and opened the door.

“Someone had better be dy-“

“I’m sorry I’m late, do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent florist ‘round here” Bucky felt warmth spread through his body as Steve stood there in his dress uniform, blue eyes sparkling mischievously from behind the lightly wilted flower. Bucky rolled his eyes and looked down the hallway before grabbing his tie, yanking him into the room.

“I’ll give you a free pass this once” he murmured, plucking the flower out of his hand and setting it on the dresser as he captured Steve’s lips with his. Steve gripped his hips and pulled him against him, eliciting a small moan.

“Spent good money on that flower”

“No you didn’t”

“No, I didn’t” Bucky smirked and nibbled at his neck, causing Steve to let out a low moan. “Stop, stop Buck, wait” Bucky reluctantly pulled away and glared at him.

“This better be good Rogers, I’m trying to make it with you here” Steve framed his face and kissed him chastely.

“Let me at least buy you dinner first, follow me”…

* * *

 

“Y’know Steve, I’ve been on some pretty out there dates, but breaking into an abandoned house is takin’ the cake here” Steve squeezed the hand he was holding as he led Bucky up the rickety old fire escape towards the attic window, the only way in and out of the building.

“You bitch this much to your other dates?” he quipped back, flipping the flashlight as he looked over his shoulder at Bucky, who was wearing a shit-eating grin.

“Only the pretty ones” Steve rolled his eyes as they climbed through the window, sure enough the kerosene lamp was on the windowsill as Dum Dum had instructed.

“Okay close your eyes” Bucky sighed but did as he was told, smiling good naturedly. Steve lit the lamp, then quickly ran to light the two candles in the room as well, bathing the attic in a soft warm glow. Easily hidden by the raggedy black curtain. “Alright open” Bucky opened his eyes, retort dying on his lips as he gasped.

“Steve…”

* * *

 

Dum Dum had outdone himself, in one corner of the room, several cushions and blankets were bundled together in a makeshift bed, in the opposite corner a tiny radio faintly crackled out the beginning chords of  _It’s Been a Long, Long, Time_. A large crate was set along the wall under the only painting in the room, two stools on either side and a candle in the middle. Tin plates were set up like table settings and a half drank bottle of wine sat next to the can mugs, ration portions on both plates.

Bucky turned to look at Steve and he scratched the back of his neck “I know it’s not what we were planning, Dum Dum helped set it up, but I wanted to do this, wanted to be with you tonight-“ Bucky pressed his lips soundly to Steve’s and when he pulled back his eyes were wet.

“It’s fuckin’ perfect Stevie. Now be a gentleman and pour your date some wine” Steve laughed and grabbed his hand, leading him over to the “table” and untucking one of the stools. Bucky grinned as Steve sat across from him, pouring him wine. The two fell into easy conversation as they ate, Bucky positioning his leg beside the crate, brushing his foot against Steve’s. Once dinner was done, Bucky stood and extended his hand. Steve blushed and coughed nervously.

“Still don’t know how to dance Buck” Bucky quirked an eyebrow and him and shook his hand again.

“I distinctly remember being promised dinner  _and_ dancing this evening, and it ain’t like your paws haven't crushed my feet before” Steve laughed and allowed Bucky to pull him to his feet, wrapping an arm around his waist and holding his hand as they danced. He rested their foreheads together and Bucky smiled tenderly.

“See, this ain’t so bad” Steve pulled him in closer, swaying with the gentle sounds of Frank Sinatra’s  _Close to You_  playing through the old radio. The two danced through several songs before their soft kisses began to pick up.

“B-Bucky…”

“Yeah” Bucky wrapped his arms around his neck and Steve slid his hands under his thighs, lifting him up and guiding his legs around his hips. Bucky gasped and let out a low moan.

“Y’okay?” Bucky grabbed his head and kissed him roughly

“You keep manhandling me like that Rogers and this is gunna end a lot quicker than we want” Steve breathed out a laugh and laid Bucky back against the blankets, slowly divesting him of his clothing. He reached over to drop their shirts to the side when his hand hit a small jar. He pulled it back and snorted loudly, causing Bucky to open his eyes

“What?” Steve turned the lid so Bucky could see the words PETROLEUM JELLY written on the bottle and he cackled. “We will  _never_ hear the end of this” Bucky howled and Steve took a moment to take him in: scars all but a memory, colour back and the classic treasure trail Steve had always wanted to bury his face in. He dropped the bottle by Bucky’s head and shimmied down, spreading his knees. Bucky’s laughter died on his lips and he looked down at him as he nuzzled his nose into the dark hairs. Bucky swallowed audibly and Steve ran his nose along the straining seam of Bucky’s dress pants.

“Wanna taste you” he mouthed at Bucky’s cock through the rough cotton and Bucky gasped, spreading his legs as far as they’d go. His left hand found its way into Steve’s hair, balancing himself on his right elbow. Steve placed his lips against the wet stain accumulating and sucked, looking up to lock eyes with his lover. Bucky’s jaw fell open and he groaned.

“Yeah Stevie, take ‘em off” Steve leapt at the command, removing both their pants and underwear before making his home back between Bucky’s legs. The two men locked eyes and Steve licked a slow stripe up the length before suckling on the head. Bucky’s head fell back and a guttural sound escaped him. “Oh fuck, Steve, baby-doll…” his hand went back into Steve’s hair and tugged, triggering a moan of Steve’s own. Bucky dropped his legs and stared down at him with wide eyes. He pulled back for a minute, replacing his mouth with his hand and looking up at him.

“Taste so good baby” Bucky cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over his lips, brushing the swollen lower lip.

“Jesus Christ, you’re beautiful Steve, swallowing my cock so well sweetheart” Steve wrapped his lips around the straining member again and grabbed the jelly. He unscrewed the lid and glanced up at Bucky for permission, Bucky nodded and Steve coated his fingers liberally, tracing his index finger around Bucky’s fluttering hole. He slowly slid the first finger in and Bucky whimpered, alternating between thrusting into the warm heat of his mouth, or into the pleasure of Steve’s fingers.

Soon he was able to insert the second with ease, scissoring his fingers slightly and curling them. He lifted his mouth off Bucky’s dick with an obscene pop and curled his fingers again. Bucky suddenly jolted and cried out, grabbing at Steve’s shoulder.

“Bucky?!” he went to pull away and Bucky growled

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare! Do it again, fuck” he grabbed Steve by the back of the head and pulled him into a rough kiss as Steve inserted a third finger, curling against that sweet spot again and again. He pressed his forehead against Bucky’s and panted into their shared air.

“So fuckin’ tight honey, so tight and warm, just for me” Bucky nodded jerkily and rode Steve’s fingers, one arm slung around the blonde’s neck, the other gripping the cushion beneath him.

“Only you Stevie, s’only ever been you” Steve moaned and pulled him in for another kiss and Bucky pushed him off, rolling him onto his back and straddling his hips, Steve ran his hands up the flat planes of Bucky’s stomach and over his chest, rubbing his thumbs over beaded nipples. Bucky grabbed the jelly and began to slick up Steve’s cock, lining it up with his hole. Steve propped himself up against the blankets, looking at Bucky in awe as he realized what they were about to do.

“You sure about this?” Bucky nodded.

“You?” Steve swallowed and nodded.

“Surest I’ve been in a long time.” Bucky locked their eyes together and slowly sunk down onto Steve, mouth falling open and breaths leaving him in quick pants. It felt like forever until he bottomed out, Steve immediately sitting up and wrapping his arms around him and kissing his face and neck, one hand gently taking his flagging erection in hand as Bucky adjusted to the intrusion.

“S-Steve, so big, oh my God” Steve rubbed a gentle hand over Bucky’s contracting abdominal muscles and pulled him in for a kiss.

“God Buck, wish you could see yourself, so fucking gorgeous sweetheart. Taking me so well” Steve gave and experimental thrust and Bucky whimpered against his lips. Slowly they sank into a rhythm together, in sync as always. Steve lay back on the cushions, hands guiding Bucky’s hips as he rode the Captain leisurely. Steve’s cock hit that sweet spot in Bucky again and his head fell back, staring up at the ceiling.

“This is so worth going to Hell” Steve huffed a laugh and rolled them over, pinning Bucky beneath him so he could begin thrusting faster. He buried his face in Bucky’s neck and snaked a hand back around his dick to jerk in time with his thrusts.

“Can’t be Hell if we’re together” Bucky kissed the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him.

“So close sugar, m’almost there”

“Me too”

“Come inside me Steve, please – want you inside” Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed and Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand with his free one and laced their fingers together.

“Together, yeah?”

“Y-yeah… Oh fuck, Steve.”

“Hold on, hold on, m’so close” Bucky clenched his walls tightly around Steve and he felt himself fall, groaning low into Bucky’s neck as his orgasm triggered the brunette’s. He fell against Bucky’s chest and he brushed his hair back, kissing his forehead. Steve clumsily grabbed his undershirt to wipe them off and shifted them so they were laying on their sides facing one another, pulling a blanket over them. Bucky brought his hand up to cradle the back of Steve’s head as he pressed their foreheads together. Steve ran his hand along Bucky’s side and stared into his eyes. He nuzzled their noses together and Bucky smiled sleepily.

“Ain’t you tired?” Steve laughed and held him tighter, kissing him softly.

“Ain’t ready to fall asleep yet” he murmured and Bucky brought his head down to the crook of his neck.

“Gotta rest up for tomorrow baby-doll, I’ll be here when ya wake up” Steve nuzzled his face against Bucky’s chest and mumbled

“Promise?”

“I promise” Steve was lulled to sleep with the sound of Bucky’s heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers running through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> I am currently in the process of packing up to move across the country so I may be a bit late posting my next chapter. My goal is to be able to do at least one a week but if I take a while please don't think I've abandoned it!!
> 
> Love you all <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning snuggles and Dugan gets his reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before everything gets really sad fam. We're coming up to the train soon so be warned. If you want to end with happy fluff, you should probs stop here.

“Psst”…

“Psst!” Bucky grumbled and buried his face further into the old sheets. An arm snaked around his waist and he smiled in his sleep as a slightly stubbled face rubbed against his neck. He snorted at the tickling sensation as soft kisses pressed along the column of his throat. He smiled sleepily, eyes still closed as he murmured a warning

“Don’t start what you can’t finish doll” Steve laughed through his nose and nipped at his earlobe. He lightly tickled Bucky’s side and guided him in rolling over on his back. Bucky looked up at him and smirked. Steve ran his eyes across his face as he brushed the brown curls from his head.

“Morning” Bucky stretched lightly and smiled up at him, sleep soft and blurry eyed.

“Mornin’” Steve smirked. Bucky’s Brooklyn drawl was always strongest in the morning. Steve had focused really hard in school on his annunciation, Bucky’d openly admitted he didn’t “didn’t give a shit” that the docks didn’t care about how you pronounced “rigging” as long as you knew what it was. Steve still held the position that Bucky would’ve been a hell of a lawyer or cop. But he’d had to drop out early to help with his sisters, so any dreams of a job outside the trades would never be a possibility.

“Hey Steve-o at attention” Steve snapped out of his head to see Bucky looking up at him with raised brows “y’all right up there?” Steve gave a lopsided smile and leaned down.

“Yeah, I’m good” he pressed a kiss to his lips and Bucky sighed into it for a moment before pulling back quickly

“Jesus Rogers, you could knock out a platoon with that morning breath!” Steve bellowed out a laugh, falling to his side as Bucky spluttered. He reluctantly sat up and Steve caught the slight wince.

“You okay?” Bucky shot him a crude smile and winked

“Oh, I’m just sore baby you know me” Steve rolled his eyes and a blush danced across his cheeks. Bucky leaned back over and kissed him gently. Steve smiled against his lips and pressed back gently.

“Thought I had morning breath”

“Oh you definitely do, what time is it?” Steve leaned over the cushions and grabbed his watch, lying next to the now empty jelly jar.

“0815. We should probably head back so we can shower and get dressed” Bucky sighed and rolled off the makeshift bed. Grabbing his clothes and getting dressed. Steve wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for another kiss as they began climbing out the window “Did you have a good night?” Bucky laced their fingers together as he led the way down the fire escape.

“I had an amazing night Stevie, thank you” the two slid through the backdoor of the hostel and towards the stair. Steve glanced over at the front desk and turned to his lover.

“You go on ahead, I’ll catch up” Bucky nodded and hopped up the stairs, Steve watched him go before turning to the receptionist.

“Morning ma’am”

“G-Good morning Captain America” the girl gaped at him with wide eyes and he smiled politely.

“I noticed you talking to my friend Sgt. Dugan yesterday”… 

* * *

 

Dum Dum grinned at his double helping of bacon, digging in triumphantly as the others all groggily sipped their coffees.

“this is the best cup o’joe I’ve had this side of the pond” Gabe groaned, standing with his empty up and walking back to the machine. Bucky held his up as well.

“Mind toppin’ me up too pal?” Gabe grabbed the mug and rushed over to the machine, determined to get at it before the airmen did. Dum Dum went to dig back into his breakfast when another helping of bacon slid onto his plate. He glanced up and saw Bucky looking at him intensely. “Thank you” he whispered and Dum Dum smiled as he munched on the meat.

“No problem kiddo, y’know I got your back” Bucky’s eyes misted and he nodded his head.

“I appreciate it – _we_ appreciate it” Dum Dum winked as Steve walked up to the table with the receptionist.

“Hey fellas, this here is Miss. Lucy Anderson, she’s the lovely lady hosting us” the men all politely acknowledged her, Dum Dum going bright red.

“Sgt. Dugan, Miss. Anderson needs some assistance moving some crates in the gardening shed, I told her you’d be happy to help” Dum Dum sprang to his feet and tipped his hat, kissing her hand as she giggled.

“Be my pleasure ma’am”

“Oh please, call me Lucy” Dum Dum offered her his arm as they walked out of the dining room.

“Well in that case, I insist you call me Dum Dum” the guys all laughed as Morita passed the couple on the way on, face stuck halfway between amused and disgusted as he walked over to the table.

“My God, he’s layin’ it on thick isn’t he?” Falsworth chuckled and raised his mug

“Only get one chance at a first impression ol’chap” Morita shrugged and dug into his own breakfast.

“By the way, we gotta restock the med-kit”

“Already? Why?” Morita furrowed his brow

“It’s weird, I bought a brand new jar of petroleum jelly and it’s missing” Bucky’s eyes bulged out of his head and Steve sprayed his coffee all over the table, turning beet red. Bucky threw his head back and howled hysterically, tears of laughter streaming down his face as Steve took off after Dum Dum.

“Dugan you bastard!”… 

* * *

 

“Captain America! Captain America!” the Commandos all groaned unanimously as they stepped out of the hostel. The propaganda media had spotted them. Dum Dum rolled his eyes and spit.

“And I was having such a good morning” Steve looked at the others and sighed in resignation.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll get rid of them” They all grumbled and walked away, except for Bucky, loyally hanging in the wings.

“Captain Rogers, is it true you walked out on Agent Carter at the gala last night?”

“No, I had only planned to stay a short time, my men and I are very tired and would like some piece and quiet now if you will excuse us-“ Steve stalked off quickly, Bucky falling instep beside him.

“You need to play nice”

“I got work to do Buck, don’t got time for the cameras” Bucky sighed and they headed to the Jeep, going back to headquarters to brief for their next HYDRA base.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky starts making arrangements, Steve has a bad feeling, and all Hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad.

It was about a month after that when the nightmares started. Steve was fast asleep when Bucky launched himself upright, scream on his lips. Steve grabbed for his shield and leapt from the bed, scanning the room for threats.

“Bucky?! What is it!?” he glanced over and dropped his shield, tears were streaming down Bucky’s face as he gasped for breath. He crawled back onto the bed and gently placed his hand on the side of Bucky’s neck. “Hey, hey sweetheart, look at me. It was just a bad dream, you’re okay, we’re okay” Bucky swallowed and rubbed viciously at his eyes.

“S-sorry, wow been a while since I had a dream like that one” Steve pulled him up into his arms and kissed his temple.

“Wanna talk about it?” Bucky shrugged noncommittally and stared at the bed sheets

“Not really” Steve swallowed and nodded, he knew better than to push.

“Okay, c’mon let’s try to get some more sleep yeah? We start the meetings for Austria tomorrow” Bucky nodded and let the larger man guide him back onto the cot.

“Hey Stevie?”

“Mmhmm?” Bucky swallowed and blinked away his tears as he ran his fingers along Steve’s chest.

“What happens if we get home after all this? Like you and me?” Steve tightened his embrace and kissed the top of his head.

“ _When_ we get home you mean” Bucky nodded softly and Steve ran an arm along his back “well, I suppose we’d go back to Brooklyn first, with our pensions we could get a house, maybe Staten Island or upstate. Somewhere quiet y’know? Where no one’s gunna bother us. I’ll start drawing again and maybe you could go back, pick up a few classes – or go back to the docks, whatever you want Buck” Bucky smiled wetly as Steve’s voice washed over him

“We gunna stay together Steve?”

“Yeah Buck, always, be as good as married. We’ll even get a dog how’s that sound?” Bucky sniffed and Steve felt unease curling in his gut in a way it hadn’t in months.

“Sounds beautiful baby doll” Steve could feel his own eyes welling up at how resigned Bucky sounded.

“We’re almost done Buck, just get Zola taken care of then we can go home”

“And Schmidt?”

“Let the others deal with him, you earned your papers back at Azzano”

“Ain’t leaving without you”

“I ain’t leaving without you either baby” Bucky eventually fell back asleep but Steve didn’t. Something was terribly wrong.

* * *

 “Heya Dum Dum” Dum Dum looked up as Bucky walked towards him quietly, the rest of the group sound asleep around the campfire.

“S’not your turn to take watch yet Sarge” Bucky nodded and glanced back at his bed roll next to Steve’s. he sat down on the log next to Dum Dum and sighed.

“Y’think you know when you’re gunna die?” Dum Dum shot his eyes over to him sharply.

“What you mean kid?” Bucky swallowed thickly and stared at his hands.

“I mean, do you think your soul knows, that your number’s comin’ up before it gets drawn?” Dum Dum shrugged and looked at the fire.

“My pops always said he knew death was coming for him, he guessed almost right to the day, so yeah, I think we kinda know” Bucky nodded and a tear slid down his face. Dum Dum immediately reached out to the younger man “but people are wrong all the time, one bad dream don’t mean nuthin’” Bucky looked at him sadly

“Tim, I’ve been having ‘em for months, since just after Azzano” Dum Dum gaped at him, sensing by the use of his birthname that the conversation was about to take a turn he didn’t want.

“What about these dreams James?” Bucky wiped at his eyes and gave a mirthless laugh.

“It’s never clear, at first it almost feels like I’m falling, but I never land. Then I’m cold, it’s so cold, and it’s so dark and I can hear everyone yellin’ for me, you, Steve, everyone. But I can’t answer, I open my mouth to scream, to tell you here I am come find me but nothing comes out, and it gets colder and colder until all I feel is the cold”

“You tell Steve about this?” Bucky shook his head.

“Naw, he’s got enough on his plate right now without me being a headcase to boot” Dum Dum stared at the fire and took a deep breath, preparing for his next words.

“D-do you think you’re gunna die Barnes?” a quiet sob escaped his lips and he nodded.

“Everyone’s talking ‘bout what they’re gunna do when this war’s over. But I can’t see the end, I try and try but nothing. Every time someone mentions Zola I feel the ice in my veins. I really think m’gunna die on this one” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small envelope, giving a quick glimpse of the dried, pressed rose pinned to the inside of his jacket. “I-if I don’t make it out, y’gotta give this to Steve for me okay? You’re the only one I can trust with it” Dum Dum felt sick at the desperate look in his eyes and nodded.

“Y’know I will” Bucky curled his lips in a horrible mimic of a smile and nodded

“Thank you Tim” Dum Dum remained silent, slinging an arm around Bucky’s shoulders and allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder.

“You’re gunna be okay kid, it’s all gunna end up fine”…

* * *

“Our best bet is going to be the train. We take it out, Schmidt can’t get what he needs” Steve nodded as he, Howard, Peggy and Bucky all stood around the table in the War Room.

“So what’s the plan?”

“The hope is that we will be able to got onto the train here, we’re thinking Falsworth’s zip-line will be the best option, once on the train, break in, stop it and radio for us to come and completely dispose of it. Pretty simple really”

“Except it’s on the side of a mountain with a thousand-foot drop into a ravine” Bucky murmured, getting the attention of everyone else at the table. Steve furrowed his brows, Bucky usually went along with it. Peggy glanced at Howard who was looking nervous before speaking up

“Do you have a better suggestion Sergeant?”

“No ma’am, I just think that maybe we should look at _all_ our options before risking everyone like that” Bucky looked to Steve for backup and was surprised when he found none.

“I think it’s a good plan, we’ll set up a contingency, in case of weather or things like that but for the most part Stark it looks pretty good I’m impressed” Howard beamed and Peggy leaned back

“Well that settles it. We’ll finalize everything to brief the rest of them tomorrow and then we’ll head to the Danube” Bucky swallowed thickly and nodded, taking off out of the room as soon as he was dismissed.

* * *

“What was that?”

“Leave it alone Steve” Bucky was so close to his room, just a few more steps then-

“The Hell I will, you completely contradicted me in there, you never do that!” Bucky shoved his bedroom door open and tried to close it on Steve unsuccessfully. “Talk to me, what’s gotten into you?” Bucky decided to change tactics and ran his hands up Steve’s chest, pushing him against the wall.

“Nuthin’ baby doll, m’sorry. Just haven’t been sleepin so well lately” he grabbed Steve by the collar of his suit and dragged him into a filthy kiss, more teeth than anything else. Steve didn’t take too long to get with the program, spinning them around and manhandling Bucky into the wall, nipping and sucking at his neck.

“Guess I’m just gunna hafta wear you out again” Steve had finished taking off Bucky’s shirt and was starting on his belt when he finally notice the silence of his normally vocal lover. He glanced up and his heart plummeted.

Bucky’s head rested against the door, face turned up to the ceiling, eyes screwed shut and tears streaming down his face. He scrambled back up to his feet and grabbed his face, scanning him in a panic.

“Buck, oh my god baby doll what’s wrong!? Did I hurt you!? Bucky please talk to me you’re scaring me!” Bucky tried to shake it off, wiping his eyes and coming back in for another sloppy kiss

“No, s’fine, I’m fine let’s go” Steve grabbed his wrists and held them against his chest. Forcing him to make eye contact.

“Bucky, enough.” Steve looked at him imploringly and rested their foreheads together as Bucky let out a strangled sob. Steve bit his lip, waiting for the inevitable damn burst. Bucky never held anything in long. His legs wobbled and Steve caught him just as they let go.

“I’m gunna lose you” Steve immediately shook his head

“No, no baby never. C’mon, you and me till the end of the line right?” Bucky let out another sob and clung to his shoulders

“My line’s ending, I can feel it, I _know_ it is-“ Steve felt his own tears escaping and kissed him roughly

“Shut up! Shut up Barnes. That’s a load o’horseshit and you know it! You ain’t goin’ anywhere. You and me, we’re gunna get old and fat and crabby like Mr. Liebowitz and shake our canes at kids like us” Bucky sobbed again and Steve sat him on the bed, kneeling between his legs and desperately grasping at straws “and we’ll get a dog, ‘cuz I ain’t allergic to them anymore. And we’ll go on real dates, to the diner or to that little queer hideaway on Landsdown Ave. and when people get suspicious, we’ll just move. Hell we could move to Mexico if we wanted?! All that sun and sand, huh?” Bucky heaved as he tried to catch his breath and Steve felt his own sobs piling up.

Bucky was terrified.

And he was sure he wasn’t coming home.

Steve framed his face and wiped his tears with his thumbs. “You and me, as soon as this is over, as soon as we get this train, we’re done okay?” Bucky shivered and Steve wrapped his arms around him, kissing him each time he spoke “We’re. Going. Home. You and me Bucky okay, I promise. I _promise_ ” Bucky nodded and slowly began to calm himself down.

“There we go, shh that’s it, just breathe baby”

“I love you, I love you so fucking much and I can’t-“ Steve kissed him again

“I love you too, I got no interest in living if you’re not here. So we go together or not at all okay?” Bucky nodded and Steve pulled him in for another kiss “I love you okay?”

“Oka-“

“What the _Hell_?!” Bucky and Steve jerked away from each other, freezing in terror as Bucky’s door finished swinging open, revealing Peggy, Howard and the rest of the Howling Commandos.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan, and Peggy delivers a death blow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter deals with homophobia. Reader discretion is advised.

The silence was deafening. Dum Dum had maneuvered himself between the Brooklyn boys and the rest of the group, almost as though he could hide what was happening. Howard and Dernier’s jaws sat on the floor as they openly gaped. Peggy was glaring daggers and Falsworth and Morita’s eyes were hardened it what could only be described as disgust. Gabe had the decency to look away, face revealing nothing about how he was feeling. Steve remained kneeling with a hand still on Bucky’s knee, whole body tense. Bucky moved first, reaching up and grabbing Steve’s shirt, trying to ground himself as he dragged his eyes over the group.

“Monty…?” Falsworth stormed over and Steve barely had time to register that his fist was raised before pain was blooming over his jaw, sending him sprawling onto the floor. Bucky was up in an instant, slamming Falsworth into the wall. Howard charged into the room and held his hands up.

“Enough! Enough!” Bucky crouched down and helped Steve to his feet, gently touching the now forming bruise. Howard glared the two down and spoke in a steely tone. “Steve, what is this?” Steve swallowed thickly and locked eyes with Bucky, nodding softly.

“Exactly what it looks like” Howard pinched his nose and Morita shook his head. Falsworth turned and stormed out of the room. Peggy sighed heavily and looked over at the boys.

“I told you there would be consequences”.

* * *

 

“Oh shove over Barnes” Bucky and Steve both tensed as Dum Dum and Gabe marched up to the table in the mess. Dum Dum plopped down next to Bucky while Gabe sat next to Steve. The four ate in a tense silence before Steve sighed heavily.

“So, are we gunna talk about it?” Bucky kicked him under the table and Steve levelled him a look “we can’t ignore it Buck” Bucky snarled hunched over his plate.

“Don’t mean we gotta bring it up” Gabe heaved a sigh and Steve looked at him quickly, coiling in preparation for the coming blow-up.

“I ain’t gunna pretend I understand this. I ain’t gunna pretend I like it-“ Steve regretted his decision and tried desperately to catch Bucky’s eyes, but he was staring resolutely at his plate. Dum Dum glared at Gabe and he held up a finger. “But, you’re like brothers to me, especially you Sarge” Bucky looked up at him hesitantly and Gabe smiled softly. “I’m willin’ to look the other way on this one, just keep it outta my sight yeah?” both men immediately began nodding vigorously.

“Yeah, of course!” Steve blabbered immediately as Bucky swallowed thickly. Gabe nodded and the foursome began eating again.

A short while later, Dernier, Falsworth and Morita entered the hall. Morita and Falsworth snarled as they walked by, completely ignoring the table. Dernier hesitated for a second before sending them an apologetic glance as he followed them.

* * *

 

Bucky stood warily by the door as they went over the game plan for the train. Steve kept his façade of strong captain well. But Bucky was so drained from everything else that this latest blow was knocking him right down. Howard cleared his throat and looked around the room. “Okay, time to address the elephant in the room – or rather not. After we knock off Zola’s train we’ll handle the team dynamics here but this needs to be done. Falsworth, can I trust you to keep it together and do your job?” Falsworth nodded and Howard turned to Morita “Jim?”

“Yes sir” the rest of the Commandos nodded and Howard nodded to himself.

“Good, now, once you’re on the train”…

* * *

 

Once the meeting was over everyone started filing out when Howard cleared his throat awkwardly “Captain Rogers, Sgt. Barnes?” the two went rigid and turned in unison as Howard and Peggy stood in front of them, looking like disappointed parents. Peggy gestured to the door

“Close the door please.” Bucky closed the door and locked eyes with Dum Dum as he did. The older man growled in anger, pushing roughly through the group of men as he stormed off.

“Great job guys, there goes the best leadership team we’ll ever have”.

 

Bucky turned back from the door and stood next to Steve, posturing himself to hide how scared he was. Steve ached to hold him and settled for brushing their shoulders together. Howard sighed and looked at them. “This is bad guys, rumours are already getting out. We’ve been able to shut down what we can but we had to make some calls.” Bucky shoved his hands into his pockets and Steve furrowed his brow.

“What are you saying Howard?” Howard sighed heavily and Bucky hung his head.

“He’s sayin’ they’re splitting us up Steve” Steve swung his head back and forth between Bucky and the other two.

“What!?” Peggy nodded

“This will be your last mission together. After this, Sgt. Dugan will take over the Howling Commandos unit, Steve, you will go back to the USO and Sgt. Barnes will be quietly dishonourably discharged.” Steve was sure his old hearing was back, there was no way he’d heard that right

“D-dishonourable discharge?!-“

“Steve-“ he swung a hand back against Bucky’s chest, glaring at him before turning back to Peggy with fury in his eyes.

“Are you _fucking kidding me_!? After everything we’ve done for you! After everything _Bucky_ has done for you! You’re just going to ship him back stateside and label him a coward!?” Steve’s roar shook everyone down to their bones and Howard went to step forward and Peggy stopped him.

“Don’t you take that tone with me Rogers, I _told you_ this would happen. I _said_ there’d be consequences. But did you listen to me? No, you were so bloody selfish you didn’t care about anyone else, just your happiness. I’ve done you both a favour here. He could’ve been _arrested_ Steve, you really think for a second Captain America’s best friend is immune to society’s reality. You may be, but he most certainly isn’t. He’d be dead by Friday once this gets out. I’m _saving_ his life!” the two stood toe-to-toe and Steve opened his mouth again when he felt a gentle tug on his sleeve.

“Just let it go Stevie, she’s right. And we both knew what we were getting’ into here.” Bucky turned back to the other two, Howard was now looking anywhere but at the couple and Peggy’s eyes were misted over. Bucky stood at attention and forced a small smile, always the peacekeeper. “Thank you for your help and discretion, we won’t be of any trouble. I’ll go quietly you have my word.” Peggy nodded and Steve locked his jaw.

“Permission for Sgt. Barnes and I to be dismissed, _ma’am_ ” Peggy swallowed thickly at the disdain in his voice and nodded.

“Granted Captain, we will see you at 0400. Please send Sgt. Dugan to my office as soon as possible” Steve growled low in his throat and slammed the door open, embedding the doorknob deep into the wall and cracking the wood. Peggy nodded to herself and sniffed as Bucky followed him out, shoulders slumped and shaking his head.

"Well, that could've gone better".


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy and Bucky finally come to an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the Peggy redemption chapter I've been waiting for.

“They’re splitting up the team” the four Commandos turned their heads sharply as Dum Dum’s resigned voice echoed through the barracks. He wasn’t yelling, he wasn’t raving, his eyes were dead and he just looked so weary. Dernier leaned forward first

“ _Pardon?_ ” Dum Dum dropped onto his bunk and stared at his hands.

“After Austria, Cap’s goin’ back to the War Bonds tour; and Barnes is being dishonourably discharged” Falsworth and Morita shared a look.

“That ain’t right, he may be a queer, but he’s a good soldier!” Dum Dum sent Morita a glare that shut him up immediately, but didn’t dignify the man with a response.

“What happens to us?” Dum Dum coughed wetly and glanced around them

“Congratulations shitheads, I’m your new CO”.

* * *

 

Bucky watched as Steve paced the room, kicking his cot so hard he bent the metal frame. “Gotta stop breakin’ shit pal” he tried at humour and Steve let out a moan, falling onto the bed and shaking his head, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“They can’t do this Buck, They can’t just toss you aside like that!” Bucky watched Steve freak out a little longer before sitting next to him, gently pulling a hand from his face and holding it in both of his own while he stared at their entwined fingers.

“S’okay Steve, honest. We’ll both be outta the red zone, War’ll be over soon and we can move on. I don’t need to be anyone’s hero anyways. Never wanted it” Steve turned his head to the side and watched the older man. Bucky’s lips turned up quickly and he chuckled. “y’know it’s so funny. I should be pissed, fucking livid really. But you know the only thing I could think when they said I was getting cashiered” Steve shook his head and sniffed. Bucky looked at him and squeezed his hand. “All I could think was _thank God it’s me and not you_ ” Steve shook his head and a tear slid down his face.

“Buck-“

“The world needs Captain America Stevie, I’m just a kid from Brooklyn. You said so yourself, we’ll be okay. I’ll still get a quarter pension, but I can go back to the apartment, and because they’re keeping it on the down-low I can get my job at the docks back without to much of a fuss, put up a little savings till you get back” Steve grabbed the back of his head and pressed his lips to the crown of his head. “Think you can live without me for a little bit?” Steve smiled and squeezed his hands back.

“I gotta hell of a reason to I suppose” Bucky smiled as Steve’s eyes brightened again, clinging to the boon in the swarm of foreboding filling his senses.

* * *

 

“Excuse me, Agent Carter” Peggy looked up from her desk and blinked in surprise at the sight of Bucky standing in her doorway.

“Sergeant, can I help you?” he slowly walked in and closed the door. She tensed and he raised his hands slowly.

“Don’t mean no trouble ma’am. I just wanted to talk to ya quick is all” she looked at him and nodded her head, gesturing for the chair across from her. Bucky sagged into it and in the light of her desk lamp she really got a good look at the man who had captured the heart of Captain America. He was handsome, curly brown hair, square jaw and piercing slate eyes that she could feel boring into her soul. His perfect cupid’s bow lip worried between his teeth and graceful hands fiddling with his fingers nervously. She sighed heavily and changed her tone, reaching into her drawer and pulling out two tumblers and a small decanter of scotch. She wordlessly poured it and handed him a glass.

“What is it you would like to talk about?” Bucky gazed into his drink for a few moments and looked up at her.

“I uh, I needed to ask you a favour ma’am” she sipped her drink and cocked her head to the side.

“I can do my best, Sgt. Barnes” he nodded and swallowed thickly “but I do need to know what it is first” he breathed a laugh and nodded.

“If something happens, on the train. You take care of him for me yeah?” the two locked eyes and cold realization made itself at home in Peggy’s chest, immediately causing her eyes to sting. “I just, I got this bad feeling I can’t shake – had it for a while. And Steve, God love him has no sense of self-preservation, never has. If I’m gone, he ain’t gunna have that voice of reason harpin on him all the time anymore. He’ll get himself killed” Bucky took a sip of his scotch as his eyes filled with tears.

“I know he loves you, it’s different, but the same. And I really think that if you’d have him, he’d marry you, and you’d be happy together. He can’t have that with me even if I make it outta this war” Peggy wiped at her face and was surprised to find a tear. “He’s so _good_ Peggy, but sometimes he forgets he’s human. And not to sound arrogant, but if I don’t make it – it’ll hit him real hard and I gotta know there’s gunna be someone here for him” Bucky looked up at her with imploring eyes.

“Sgt.-“

“Bucky, call me Bucky” she looked at him and his eyes were filled with tears.

“I don’t care about me, never really have. I got little sisters and Steve was always gettin’ in trouble, never really had time to worry about me. I need to know someone’s gunna be here when I can’t be anymore” Peggy nodded, voice cracking

“Okay”

“H-he’ll get angry, he’ll blow off and do something dumb and you’ll have to rein him back in. When he’s scared he’ll start swearing. If he’s getting sick – if he even _can_ get sick now – his fingers always go cold first. He’ll throw himself down for anyone, so you gotta make sure he never has to” Bucky was rambling and Peggy found herself letting him. Watching someone who was so in love. She reached a hand over and gently covered his, cutting him off mid-stream.

“Bucky, I give you my word. I will do everything in my power to get Steve out of this war safely. And I’ll take care of him after as well” a tear finally escaped his eye and he turned his hand over to hold hers, whispering brokenly.

“Thank you” she smiled and wiped her eyes, clearing her throat and leaning back

"Did he tell you about the time he jumped on a dummy grenade at basic?" Bucky barked out a shocked laugh and gaped at her

"No, no he did not" She smiled and sipped her scotch again, watching his eyes warm at the topic change, seeing Bucky for what she realized was the first time

"Well, here we were...".

* * *

 

“Mornin’ Sarge” Bucky went stock still as he stood in line at the mess, Morita coming up next to him. He smiled politely and nodded

“Jim, how’d you sleep?” Morita attempted a gentle smile and shrugged

“As well as can be imagined on these cots, know what I’m sayin?” Bucky laughed quietly

“Amen to that” the two stood in an awkward silence for a minute before Morita kicked the ground.

“About the other night Sarge. Me and the guys, we’re sorry. We let some secret change everythin’. S’not really our business, you and Cap, and you been real respectful trying to hide it like you have been.” Bucky studied him carefully as he spoke. “We’d like to pretend it never happened. If that’s okay with you guys?” Bucky nodded, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Yeah, yeah sounds good”

When Steve walked into the mess twenty minutes later to see Bucky surrounded by the rest of the Commandos, eating and laughing like before, he had to take a lap around the mess hall before he was composed enough to join them.

“There you are Cap! Grab some food before Dugan clears out the whole mess!”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky share one last night together before going after Zola.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nothing but porn and feels. Gratuitous smut to be found below.

It was cold, so cold. The Commandos were silent as they climbed the mountainside up to where they’d decided the plan would take place. They’d elected to leave around supper, spending the night on the side of the mountain in case Zola decided to change his plans. They were silent while they ate, and silent as they all sat around the campfire before turning into their tents early, each giving the other a friendly pat on the shoulder as they went to bed. No one took watch, no one needed to. It was dark, it was cold, it was snowing. There was no threat there. Not yet anyways.

 

Steve didn’t even wait for Bucky’s go ahead before he zipped their mummy bags together into one large one. Bucky slid in silently and the two looked at each other in the faint light. Bucky gently framed his face and stroked his left thumb over Steve’s cheekbone, smiling as Steve took his hand in his own and pressed kisses to the pads of his fingers.

“Hey”

“Hey” Steve slid his hand under Bucky’s shirt, resting his palm against the small of his back. Bucky pulled him in for a passionate kiss as Steve gently rolled him onto his back, pressing kisses down the side of his neck as Bucky ran his hand through his hair.

“Bucky…”

“Shh, let’s just have this yeah?” Steve pulled back and looked down at him, searching his face. Bucky spent his time memorizing Steve’s. Steve leaned down and kissed him again as the two shimmied out of their clothes. The wind battered the canvas of the tent, muffling their soft gasps as the kisses got faster, more desperate.

“I love you” Bucky wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist as he ground their erections together slowly. He pulled back and held Steve’s face in his hands and smiled.

“Love you Stevie, don’t forget that okay?” Steve gave him a funny look but nodded before leaning down to take one nipple in his mouth, the other twisting gently between his fingers. Bucky arched his back and stared at the ceiling of the tent with unseeing eyes, one hand in Steve’s hair, locking him in place, the other gripping his shoulder. Steve switched to the other one and Bucky pressed his fist to his lips to muffle his moans. Steve reached up and pulled the hand away.

“None of that sweetheart, lemme hear you” Bucky moaned and thrusted up against Steve again as he pushed down. The two sliding along one another in slow, deliberate drags.

“Wanna come like this, then I want you to fuck me” Steve growled into Bucky’s ear as his hips jerked involuntarily.

“Yeah, okay baby” the two rutted against each other languidly, Bucky keeping his eyes focused on Steve the whole time. Steve found himself unable to look away, watching Bucky’s eyes flutter as his orgasm neared.

“Keep your eyes open, wanna watch you” Bucky punched out a breath and his mouth fell open, eyes rolling as he attempted to keep them trained on Steve’s face. Steve reached down and took both of them in his hand, the added friction causing both of them to falter slightly.

“S-Steve, so good, c’mon give it to me doll, please” Bucky whispered as he pressed his lips right against the shell of Steve’s ear, giving his hair a quick tug and pulling back to look at him. Steve’s toes curled and he gasped, his lover’s name falling from his lips like a prayer as he emptied himself over his hand and their stomachs. Bucky let out a high-pitched whine as he followed suit. Bucky barely had time to recover before Steve was rolling him onto their sides, guiding Bucky’s left leg over his waist and smearing his hand through their release, guiding his finger to Bucky’s hole. He trembled at the overstimulation and Steve gentled his touches.

“Too much?” Bucky breathed shakily and looked up at the love and concern in his eyes and found himself fighting back what was becoming a far too familiar feeling of impending tears. He shook his head and pulled Steve in for a kiss as he murmured against his lips.

“S’okay, just go slow” Steve nodded and brought his fingers back towards him, pressing kisses over Bucky’s face.

“So beautiful Buck, don’t know what I did to deserve you” Bucky hummed and hiked his leg higher, giving Steve space add a finger “never gunna give this up, you and me sweetheart” Bucky pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes.

“Love you baby doll, always have” Steve smiled against his lips and gently slid into him, stilling to allow him to adjust. Bucky stared up at him and Steve could see that look slipping back into Bucky’s eyes. The one from before. He ran a hand over Bucky’s hair as something told his brain it was different this time. He pulled him so they were flush against each other. Hips barely moving, it didn’t feel like sex anymore.

“When we’re done here, you and me, we’re goin’ back home okay?” Bucky nodded and Steve kissed him slowly. “Gunna walk right past all of ‘em, Peggy, Stark, all of ‘em. Just gunna load you up on one of the boats and go” Bucky breathed a laugh and rested his head against Steve’s shoulder as he lazily undulated against him. “Gunna start in Brooklyn, see your ma, Becca, Mrs. Jenkins” he could feel Bucky tighten his grip and he gave a quick thrust, bringing them both back to the present.

“And after Brooklyn?” Bucky sucked a hickey onto Steve’s collar, knowing full well it would be gone before they woke up anyways but wanting to mark him just the same. Steve slid one hand down and squeezed Bucky’s cheek, spreading him a little wider.

“Gunna take you to the Grand Canyon, been in the snow too long we’re gunna need some sunshine. Go camp under the stars just you and me” Steve swallowed the growing lump in his own throat and buried his nose into his hair. “Gunna get us a car, maybe a Hudson or somethin’ so we can just drive. Don’t got nowhere to be” he could feel Bucky smile against his chest and his cock filling against their stomachs and began to pick up a consistent rhythm.

“We should go to Washington, for your birthday. See the fireworks from the White House” Steve laughed and pulled him in for a deep kiss, tongues tangling as their breathing picked up again.

“Yeah… we can do that. We’ll go to San Fran too, hide out there for a little while, where no one’ll give me any trouble for holdin’ your hand” Bucky breamed and rolled so he was straddling Steve, palms planted on his chest as Steve looked up at him adoringly. The angle change allowed Steve to repeatedly hit Bucky’s sweet spot and he moaned. Steve ran his hands along his stomach before pulling himself up to a seating position, needing to be closer. He cradled the back of Bucky’s head and pressed hot open mouth kisses down the column of his throat.

“Gunna give you everything Buck, gunna take such good care of you. Just like when you took care o’me” he traced his nose along Bucky’s jawline as he trembled and he wrapped his arms around his hips.

“Y-you gunna make an honest man outta me huh?” Bucky breathed, head lolling back as he chased the warm feeling pooling in his stomach. Steve ran his tongue up the exposed skin and kissed his adam’s apple.

“Bet your ass I am” the two smiled, making their kiss slightly awkward and Bucky raised himself slightly, changing the tempo and causing Steve to choke on a gasp.

“M’gunna come” Steve nodded in agreement as Bucky pushed him back down, leaning back and placing his hands on his ankles as he gyrated faster. Steve reached for his cock and Bucky batted his hand away, leaning back. “No, wanna come like this, just from you” Steve gripped his hips tightly and thrusted up sharply, knocking the air from Bucky’s lungs.

“Yeah Buck, c’mon, take what you need baby, let go for me” Steve reached up and pinched his nipples and Bucky was gone, curling almost in half and digging his nails into Steve’s shoulders as his mouth fell open

“Steve…” He fell onto Steve’s chest as he rode out his own orgasm, release painting Bucky’s inner walls. Steve went to roll them onto their sides and Bucky tightened his grip, still catching his breath.

“Wanna stay here, stay inside me, just for a little while” Steve rubbed his back and nodded.

“Yeah, okay honey, we can stay like this” Bucky propped himself up on Steve’s chest and pulled his dog tags off, lifting Steve’s from around his neck as well. Steve smiled sleepily and gazed up at him. “Whattya doin’ doll?” he felt his heart swell when Bucky placed his around his own neck, giving Steve his in exchange. Bucky winked at him and smirked.

“s’just till you get me a ring, like a gentleman” Steve chuckled and grabbed the chain around Bucky’s neck, pulling him down for another kiss and holding him tightly.

“Sounds like a plan” Bucky clung to him tightly even after he fell asleep and Steve watched him. He already knew exactly which ring Bucky was getting. His ma had left both her and his father’s rings to Steve in her will and he’d give his dad’s to Bucky. No one would ever recognize it, and it’d never hold meaning to anyone but the two of them. But as Steve watched him sleep, knowing that he would be able to see that face every day for the rest of his life he found himself not caring about whether or not he got the big white wedding, the church service or the gifts. He didn’t need the white picket fence and two-point-five kids. He just needed Bucky. He kissed Bucky’s forehead and held him closer.

“Sounds like a great plan”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get hella sad fam. But stay strong because I promise this story has a happy ending!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zola is captured. And everyone deals with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's really sad guys sorry!

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island” Steve bit back a smirk and glanced at his lover

“Yeah, and I threw up?” Bucky snorted

“This isn’t payback is it?” Steve tried to keep the mood light as he responded

“Now, why would I do that?” the two shared a look as Gabe began speaking.

“We better get moving, we miss this window and we’re bugs on a windshield” Steve watched as Falsworth launched the zipline and he stepped up to the wire. Bucky a constant presence beside him as each one took their turn stepping off the cliff. He shot Bucky a quick wink and took a deep breath as he stepped off, wind whipping around him as he careened towards the train.

The moment Bucky landed on the roof of the train, eyes scanning the area while he crouched low, he could feel that dark feeling making itself at home in his chest. The group split up and he followed Steve, heading towards the front of the train. Steve gestured for him to enter the train and he lifted his gun, scanning the car as they walked slowly. Steve stepped through to the next car and suddenly the door slammed shut, Steve swung back and watched Bucky stare at him through the window, terror in his eyes as the other doors opened and both were faced with HYDRA agents.

* * *

 

Bucky was out of ammo, pressed against the wall as he heard the agent moving closer to him. He swallowed and breathed deeply, nodding his head. This was it, and he sure as shit wasn’t going to die hiding behind a wooden box. He stood up and began firing again, cold determination in his eyes. The agent looked at him and he braced himself for an impact that didn’t come. Steve suddenly burst through the doorway, launching the agent off his feet and into a heap on the other side of the car. Steve immediately turned to him and helped him to his feet, eyes scanning for any signs of distress. Bucky shot him a reassuring smile and stood, looking at the agent quickly before looking back at his lover.

“I had him on the ropes” Steve smiled back as his shoulders relaxed again.

“I know you did-“ movement caught the corner of his eye and Steve pushed Bucky back, raising his shield. “Get down!” Bucky fell back as the blast ricocheted off Steve’s shield, blasting a massive hole into the side of the train, wind whipping around them. It was so cold. The agent took aim at Steve, who was still trying to regain his footing and Bucky’s mind went blank, every memory of tiny Steve in back alleyways and outside bars flashing in front of his eyes as he lunged forward, swiping up the shield and firing. Steve desperately tried to get to his feet, an unparalleled feeling of dread shooting up his veins. The agent fired again, Bucky’s frame standing no chance against the power behind the blow and the shield was ripped from his hand as he was blasted out of the side of the train.

“Bucky!” Steve flew into autopilot as pure horror grabbed him by the throat. Quickly disposing of the agent he threw himself at the hole and felt his heart start beating again. Bucky was clinging the the side of the train, knuckles white and muscles visibly bulging under his coat with the effort to hang on. Steve leaned out as far as he could and reached for his lover almost desperately. Bucky looked up at him, expression flickering between terror and determination not to let go “Hang on! Grab my hand!” Bucky slowly began to adjust his grip, preparing to let go of the railing to reach for Steve and the captain found himself muttering.

“Come on sweetheart, almost there, I gotcha. God please, please” Bucky let go of the railing and extended his hand to Steve’s, wind flapping the collar of the coat open and revealing the pressed rose and glint of silver dog tags. Steve hurled himself so far out the side he knew the swing back into the train was going to be risky but he was right there, so close, he could feel the tips of Bucky’s fingers-

The railing snapped. Bucky’s hand vanished from Steve’s reach and a guttural cry ripped itself loose from his throat as he plummeted down the side of the mountain, arm still reaching up towards Steve. Steve felt his body shut down as nothing but pain exploded in every inch of his body.

“No!”

* * *

 

Steve sat quietly in the old blown out bar where the Commandos had first formed. He clung to the tumbler in his hand and glared at it through tears. No one had spoken yet. No one had dared to…

_“Cap! We did it! We-“ Dum Dum froze and glanced behind Steve to where Gabe was holding Zola by the scruff of the neck, face tear-stained. Dum Dum looked back at Steve as an uneasy feeling began to form. Steve stared straight ahead, eyes unseeing as his shield hung limply in his hand. The others quickly ran up and Falsworth stepped forward as he surveyed the area._

_“Cap? Where’s Sarge?” Gabe let out a sniff and Steve staggered, Morita barely catching him as he fell to his knees in the snow. They could faintly hear the truck come up behind them as Colonel Phillips, Howard and Peggy leapt out to take Zola into custody. “Steve, where’s James!?” Phillips closed his eyes as Howard began shaking his head in disbelief._

_“No…” Peggy pressed her hand to her mouth, trying to keep her decorum as Gabe suddenly hauled off and cracked Zola in the back of the head, sending the mousy man sprawling face down in the snow and spitting on him._

_“Get him outta here” Dum Dum slowly kneeled down and grabbed Steve’s chin, forcing him to look into the older man’s eyes._

_“Cap, what happened?” Steve opened his mouth to answer, surprising everyone when nothing but a scream of anguish ripped itself loose instead, echoing through the woods in an imitation of the cry Bucky had released as he fell to his death. Realization began to sink through the shock as the Commandos all began to let themselves go. Dernier swearing a blue streak in French. Falsworth falling to the ground and Morita running at Gabe as they embraced. Howard wrapped an arm around Peggy but she knew full well it was for his own comfort more than hers. Dum Dum wrapped his arms around Steve and pulled the unresponsive man to his chest. Steve completely unaware he was still screaming…_

* * *

 

“Hey Cap” Steve tilted his head in acknowledgement but didn’t look up from his drink as Dum Dum shuffled over and sat down. His voice scratchy from his own tears and eyes swollen and red.

“T-tell Peggy the report’s on her desk” Dum Dum gave him a sad smile and leaned back in the chair.

“Ain’t here about that Cap, I don’t give two shits about your job right now” Steve risked a glance at him the tears sprang anew.

“H-he knew Tim. He knew and he tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. Just thought he was gettin’ weary” Dum Dum nodded.

“Wasn’t just you Steve, we all thought he was just tired” Steve sniffed and rubbed his hand across his face as he looked around the room.

“S’different, I was supposed to know, I was supposed to see. He never shoulda been on that damn train-“

“That’s enough Rogers.” Dum Dum’s voice was gentle, but left no room for argument “you know damn well there’s no way in Hell that boy woulda let you go on that train without him” Steve nodded and Dum Dum blinked his own tears. “Don’t insult his memory by makin’ it about you alright?” Steve sniffed again but nodded. Turning back to look at him, voice cracking to a whisper

“He was so scared” Dum Dum looked at him with a pained expression and he shook his head. “I could see it, in his eyes, and he was _right there_ I had him, I had ‘em Tim” Dum Dum leaned across the table and grabbed one of Steve’s shaking hands.

“I know. I know you did, and you woulda done everything to get him Cap, I know that, we know that. _Barnes_ knew that. Okay, he _knew_ Steve” he knew Dum Dum wasn’t just referring to the fall anymore. “He knew in the way you looked at him, in the way you talked to him. Don’t you doubt that for a second alright?!” Steve nodded and stared back at the drink.

“I just – I think I need to be alone right now” Dum Dum nodded in understanding and stood, clapping him on the shoulder as he headed to the exit, clapping Steve on the shoulder. He made it to the doorway before he turned around.

“Oh, uh here. Kid asked me to give this to ya, y’know, if something like this happened” Dum Dum wiped his eyes and shook his shoulder. “He loved you Steve. Don’t let that go okay?” Dum Dum turned and walked out into the dark London night. Steve clung to the envelope and looked around the bar.

_“You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”_

_“Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I’m following him”_

_“You’re keeping the suit right?”_

_“Good man Steve, gotta good head on your shoulders”_

Steve threw his glass at the wall, picking up the bottle instead. Remembering Peggy’s words from when they’d spoken moments before, throwing his own back in his face.

_“Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice, he must’ve damn well thought you were worth it”_

 

* * *

 

_Stevie,_

_If you’re reading this that means my number’s been punched and ain’t that just a kick in the head? I asked Dum Dum to hold onto this for me after we had that talk about getting a dog. Needed to make sure you kept your damn head so I’m sitting here writing this note while you saw logs next to me. Big you snores way more than little you by the way._

_I want you to know that I did everything I could to stay with you Stevie, that I tried my damnedest to stay with you. I’m sorry I couldn’t manage it though, and knowing you you’re probably taking all the blame for it so I’m just gunna tell you once. Stop it._

_I may not have chosen to join up, that me being here was because of the draft. But I chose to stay with you after Azzano. And I wouldn’t change a damn thing. If I hadn’t stayed, I’d probably never had the courage to tell you how I felt. How much I love you, and I never woulda been able to hear you say it back. This year with you has been the best one of my life baby doll, regardless of everything else. If I had to do it all over again to end up right where I am now I would and I’d do it with a smile._

_You go back to Brooklyn Steve, tell my ma I love her, hug Becca for me then go off with that Peggy Carter. You have babies and a dog and a house and get that nice job and sign posters of your own face and post for pictures and live Steve. You live because I can’t okay? You’ve been given the chance to be healthy and grow old and fall in love all over again. And if I gotta trade in my card for yours I’m damn well honoured to do it okay?_

_I’ve loved you since I knew what love meant, probably even before that. And if loving you is gunna send me to hell I strut through those gates with a smile on my face ‘cuz heaven ain’t gunna have a place for me anyway._

_Just don’t forget me, okay Steve? My death won’t mean a damn thing if the one I love most forgets me. Let go of the pain baby doll but don’t let go of the memories. Like that date you took me on in Germany, or that time they wanted to film you for that War Bonds and you kept making me laugh so they had to split us up._

_I love you Steven Grant Rogers. Don’t you ever forget that. I love you. And you were fucking worth all of it._

_Eternally yours,_

_Bucky._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Steve and the Valkyrie. But after that it will get happy again I swear!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes his revenge, and wakes up later than he expected.

Steve glared up at Schmidt with furious eyes. The soldiers holding him on either side as the mutated Nazi looked him up and down. “What made you so special?” the man smirked and Steve found himself remembering slate eyes, twinkling with love and smiling tenderly.

_“The world needs Captain America Steve, I’m just a kid from Brooklyn”_

Steve squared his shoulders and locked eyes with the man and smirked.

“Nothin’ I’m just a kid from Brooklyn.” Steve took the punches while Schmidt let out his rage. He heaved and sigh and righted himself again

“I could do this all day” Suddenly the Commandos burst through the walls and Steve grabbed the shield thrown at him by Falsworth and took off after Schmidt.

* * *

 

Colonel Phillips sped the roadster as Steve stood, getting ready to jump after the _Valkyrie_. Remembering the guilt all the Commandos had felt once they’d realized what they’d been making. Steve grabbed his Shield tighter in his hand as the roadster got closer and closer. He braced himself ready to jump and yelled out to Phillips. “Hold it steady!” suddenly Peggy cried out.

“Wait!” he turned back to her in confusion and she grabbed the collar of his suit, pulling him down into a passionate kissed. She didn’t have the same spark Bucky’s kisses did, they were more of a soft warmth. Part of him hated it, but part of him clung to it desperately. “Go get him” he nodded and leapt onto the plane, Peggy and Phillips watching as it took off without them.

* * *

 

Steve grunted as he kept trying to move the console. It wouldn’t budge. He looked up at the screen and saw it was headed for New York. He pushed it down experimentally and felt relief bubble when the nose tilted down. He could still win. He switched on the radio and called out deliberately.

“Come in. This is Captain Rogers, do you read me?” the radio crackled lifelessly for a few moments before it sparked to life.

_“Steve! Is that you? Are you alright!?”_

“Peggy Schmidt’s dead!” Steve could hear the devastation in her voice as he explained the situation. How he couldn’t wait for Howard, the plane had to go down now. He took a deep breath and said softly, eyes drifting closed as he remembered every time he’d heard the words in the past year.

“Peggy, this is my choice” _allow Barnes the dignity of his choice._ He could hear her sniffing on the line and pulled out his compass which had her picture in it and set it on the console. He reached up to his neck and clung to the dog tags with one hand, embedding the words into his palm as he began to breathe deeply.

BARNES, JAMES B.  
32557038  
Sergeant  
DOB: 03/10/1917  
BROOKLYN, NY.

_“Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t be late”_

_“Seven sharp, don’t be late”_

_“I’m never late”_

Peggy’s voice faded out, Steve responding on autopilot as the icy ocean got closer and closer, filling his window.

 

_I’m with ya ‘till the end of the line, pal_

_You’re keeping the suit right?_

_You’re my best friend Stevie, only one I got_

_I love you Steven Grant Rogers_

_Thank God it was me and not you_

_This is so worth going to Hell_

 

Steve watched the water come up to him fast and murmured softly to himself, taking a deep breath. “Can’t be Hell, not if we’re together” he slammed his eyes shut and let go of the dog tags still hung around his neck. Feeling the icy water consume him as the plane shattered on impact. He embraced the feeling as he began to slip out of consciousness. It was so cold.

* * *

 

Steve gasped as he flung his eyes open. He looked around the stark white room and felt unease growing. It looked exactly like the hospital rooms he spent far too much time in. But it was different, something was wrong. A nurse walked into the room and Steve began to focus on the crackling radio as she asked him how he was feeling.

“Where am I?” she looked at him patiently and studied his face.

“You’re in a recovery room, in New York”

_“The Dodgers take the lead, 8-4. Oh, Dodgers! Everyone is on their feet. What a game we have here today, folks. What a game indeed.”_ Steve felt his heart rate begin to increase as he fought down the panic. He slowly sat up and glared at the “nurse” suspiciously as he growled out

“Where am I really?” the woman looked at him hesitantly and he eyes shot over to the door. It was the tiniest movement, but he caught it.

“I-I’m afraid I don’t understand?”

“That game, it’s from May 1941-“

 

_“What a game indeed!” Steve and Bucky roared to their feet with the rest of the crown, Bucky threw his arms around him and grinned._

_“Yes! Ah-ha, I knew it, I told you!” Steve laughed brightly and Bucky lunged a hand over the railing at the hot dog vendor. “Two please!” Bucky handed one to Steve and the two plopped back into their bad seats, Bucky continuing his play by play as there was no way Steve could see the game with his terrible eyesight._

_“Hey Buck?” Bucky turned to Steve as he bunched on his hotdog._

_“Hmm?” Steve knocked his shoulder and smiled_

_“Thanks for bringin’ me” Bucky swallowed and slung an arm around his slim shoulders, grinning brightly as he looked back at the game._

_“No problemo pal, no one I’d rather take” the two turned back to the game, Bucky’s arm still slung around his shoulders._

“Now, I’m gunna ask you again. Where am I?” the woman stepped away from him and suddenly two men stormed the room. This was it, he’d been caught by HYDRA, he threw them through the wall and froze, it was fake, the whole thing. Like a movie set. Steve shot her one last concerned look and bolted out the door.

“All agents, code 13! I repeat, all agents, code 13!” Steve flung the door open and froze. Sensed bombarded with loud sounds, bright colours and all the stares. He glance around and realized with dawning horror that this was Times Square. He was in New York. He reached up for Bucky’s dog tags and grabbed around when he couldn’t find them. His chest started heaving and he was sure he was about to have an asthma attack, except he didn’t have asthma.

Several large, black cars pulled up and circled him. Steve bit his lip, feeling panic almost as badly as if he was back on the train a week before. A large bald man with an eye patch stepped out of one of the vehicles and slowly walked towards him, taking slow deliberate movements.

“At ease, soldier! Look, I’m sorry about that little show back there, but… we thought it best to break it to you slowly.” Steve looked back at him before looking around again. Where was Peggy, where was Dum Dum.

“Break what?” God he wished Bucky was here, he would not believe the week Steve was having.

“You’ve been asleep, Cap. For almost seventy years.” Bucky’s heart stopped, that couldn’t be right. He still remembered Bucky’s arms around him, Peggy’s lips against his. The cold of the water. He looked around him again and his eyes went wide. “You gunna be okay?”

No. Steve wasn’t okay. The love of his life was dead, plummeting to his death. His friends had grown and died. The woman he loved was gone. He went into the ice expecting to wake up beside iron gates, Bucky waiting for him with a kiss and an ear load of pissed of Barnes vocabulary.

“Yeah… Yeah, I just. I had a date”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint might be the new Dum Dum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of a time jump here so this chapter may not run as smoothly. It also contains a very brief rewrite of Steve's vision in Ultron.

Steve liked Sam the best, but Natasha was a close second. Thor was a good brother-in-arms and Tony was just a head trip he hadn’t been ready for. But it was Clint who had ended up being the most important person in Steve’s new life.

* * *

 

Steve looked out the window of the Quinjet as Clint navigated them to a safe place. Everyone had taken quite the hit from the Maximoff girl. Natasha was shaking, Bruce catatonic, and Thor taking off without so much as a by your leave as his mother would say. His eyes slid closed and was immediately dropped back into the horrible vision she had cursed him with.

 

_Steve looked around the hall at the Victory banners, the room rowdy with soldiers and celebrating women dressed to the nines. There was a brawl in the corner. One man had clearly been shot but he was **laughing** why was he laughing?_

_“Are you ready for our dance?” Steve whipped around in surprise and gasped as Peggy smiled at him._

_“P-Peggy?”_

_“The war's over, Steve. We can go home. Imagine it!” he reached out to invite her onto the floor when slate eyes caught the corner of his eye._

_“T-that’s not possible” he brushed past Peggy, who stood unmoving as he walked up._

_“B-Bucky?” Bucky smiled, eyes twinkling as he cocked his head, hands in his pockets._

_“Heya baby doll, miss me?” Steve yanked him around the waist and pressed his face into his neck._

_“I thought-“ Bucky pulled back and winked at him._

_“C’mon Stevie, let’s have a dance yeah?” Steve nodded dumbly and spun Bucky onto the floor, faintly realizing he could dance. He spread his palm across Bucky’s lower back, pulling them flush against one another as he leaned closer, the two smiling as their noses grazed._

_“Never thought I’d get this again, never thought I’d see you” Bucky grinned and pecked his lips._

_“Here I am” he spun Bucky around again and froze as the toned body underneath him began to shift._

_“Buck…?” Bucky looked up at him and his eyes started to glaze, lips turning blue._

_“S-Steve, it’s so c-cold Steve. Why d-didn’t you look for me?” Steve gripped tighter to Bucky and realized in dawning horror that the hand he was holding was ice cold. His left hand. He looked over and saw the metal digits looking back at him and stepped away in shock._

_“Bucky!” the figure staggered, 1940’s dress uniform giving way to black tactical gear and kevlar. His neat brown hair growing long and straggly. He fell to his knees and Steve knelt in front of him, hands hovering, unsure if he was doing more harm than good. “Bucky, sweetheart, look at me” the head raised and dead eyes looked back at him, covered in black war paint._

_“No…” The Winter Soldier grinned maliciously and locked eyes with him._

_“What? Don’t like looking at your own handiwork Rogers? I waited for you, you never came. Why didn’t you look for me Stevie?” Peggy suddenly reappeared beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder._

_“I told you Steve, the consequences would be on you” Bucky looked around, his eyes lost as they filled with tears._

_“Why didn’t you look for me?”_

“Hey Cap?” Steve snapped out of it and looked at Clint. He shook his head and wiped his eyes quickly as he cleared his throat.

“Y-yeah Clint, what is it?” Clint sat down next to him and reached into his pocket.

“I was doing some recon for Nat in Fury’s office, before Rumlow went through. I meant to give these to you earlier but we got a little carried away. Here” two cold shapes clinked into his hand and Steve gasped. He’d know that feeling anywhere.

“Clint…”

“They were in your file. When I torched the place I didn’t think it’d be right for them to make it this far to get destroyed like that.” Steve stared down at the dog tags as his throat closed.

“I-I don’t know what to say” he turned glassy eyes on the archer and Clint clapped his shoulder.

“Don’t have to, I’m married too remember?” Steve sniffed, grateful the rest of the team was still too far out of it to realize what was happening. Clint nodded to himself and made to stand up before plopping back down.

“Not that it’s any of my business Cap, but in case no one’s told you yet. That’s legal now” Steve looked at him

“What’s legal” Clint looked at him with kind eyes, seeing through the façade almost instantly.

“Being in love” Steve could do nothing but watch as he made his way back to the cockpit.

* * *

 

Steve shuffled into his DC apartment. Dropping his shield on the floor and plopping down on the couch. He reached under the couch and pulled out a small wooden box he kept hidden there. Breathing deeply as his eyes filled with tears, he held the dog tags in his hand and opened the box. Inside were the few things from his life he was able to get back from the Smithsonian. Things that didn’t “fit” with their exhibit, things that made him seem less tough: his parents’ wedding rings, a ticket stub to the first movie he’d ever gone to, _The Wizard of Oz,_ a faded drawing of the Commandos sitting around a fire. And Bucky’s letter.

When he’d found out the letter was still intact he couldn’t believe it, turns out Dum Dum had slipped it to Peggy, demanding she take care of it. Once she’d gone into the hospice, it had been given to the museum, the idea of presenting an expose on Captain America: The Gay Avenger alluring tabloids all over the world. Apparently at the last second it was shut down by an anonymous donor who didn’t want the hero’s reputation sullied.

Steve still wasn’t sure how to thank Tony for that one.

He slid the dog tags into the box and delicately opened the letter. Reading the note for the infinite time. He gently placed it back in the box and slid it under the sofa before shuffling off to the shower. He’d rest for a week, heal himself up, then get back on his hunt again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters left!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve continues his search, and Clint has an important conversation.

“I’m sorry Steve” Steve looked up from where he was quietly filling out mission reports. He knew Peggy didn’t have long left so he tried to see her at least twice a week.

“Whattya mean Pegs?” tears filled the old woman’s eyes and Steve immediately rushed to her side, taking her hand in his.

“Bucky…?” Steve felt his own eyes sting and he squeezed her hand tighter, bringing his other hand up to stroke her hair.

“Wasn’t your fault Peggy, none of that” she shook her head.

“You don’t understand, he loved you. He loved you so much and I wouldn’t let him have you” Steve looked at the guilt ridden woman and sniffed as the tears slid down his face.

“He asked me to take care of you and I couldn’t. He went on to that train believing he was getting punished for loving you, you were his whole world Steve, and I tried to take it away” Steve shook his head and wiped her tears away

“Naw, Pegs, you didn’t take it away. You just helped us see how much we wanted it” the frail hand grabbed his and he forced a smile.

“He didn’t care if he died, didn’t even flinch. But he was so worried about you, so worried and I was so busy worrying about your reputation and my own that I never stopped to consider what I was doing to him.”

“He knew you were doing what you thought was best Peggy, he knew what you were trying to do.” She shook her head

“I was so selfish, and in the end we all lost” Steve went to argue her again and she glanced at him, eyes going wide.

“Steve! You’re alive, it’s been so long!” he wiped his eyes and smiled, repeating the script that was second nature to him after several years.

“Well I can’t leave my best girl, not when she owes me a dance”…

 

* * *

 

“Hey man” Steve went to roll over at the sound of Clint’s murmured voice. Natasha had been called away and he had agreed to sub in to help Steve’s search for Bucky. The sound of other footsteps made him freeze and slowly inch of his shield.

“I-is he asleep?” Steve’s heart stopped. Bucky. He was here. In their camp.

“Yeah, do you want me to wake him up?”

“No! no, I don’t want him to see me yet” Steve’s throat ached and he clenched his eyes shut against the rejection.

“He’s not gunna care what you look like Barnes, he just wants to see you” there was awkward shuffling and Bucky’s voice whispered softly

“Is he okay? After – after everything?”

“He made a full recovery yeah, you saved his life”

“Wouldn’t need to save him if I hadn’t tried to kill him in the first place” he sounded so gutted and Steve pressed his fist to his mouth.

“He doesn’t blame you”

“I blame me” Clint sighed and there was a silence.

“You hungry? Looks like you haven’t eaten in a while” there was more shuffling and the soft thump of him sitting down

“No problem, Steve made it so it’ll taste awful”

“He never could cook y’know, I always had to” Clint chuckled and Steve felt himself smiling as the tears freely fell from his face.

“Those your dog tags?” Steve went rigid again and there was a clinking as Bucky grabbed them

“There Steve’s, w-we traded”

“He’s got yours still too” more silence. “I really think you should talk to him, but I ain’t gunna force nothin’ if you’re not comfy doing it”

“M-maybe next time?” Steve bit back a gasp and Clint shuffled

“I think he’d really like that. Here, this is where were going next and take these, you need them more than we do” Steve could hear the familiar rustling of ration packaging and heard Bucky murmur another thank-you. There was more silence than Steve heard Clint gasp

“I didn’t know you could sign” Steve grinned at the answering silence and felt himself relax at the memory.

 

_“Doc says I’ll be deaf by sixteen. Need to go to those sign language classes at the Annex” ten-year old Steve murmured as he looked up at an eleven-year old Bucky. Bucky nodded sagely as he swung his legs over the edge of the fire escape_

_“How much are they?”_

_“Ten Cents for three classes, I’ll get ‘em for free because I’m goin’ deaf” Bucky grinned and looked at him_

_“Ten cents! That’s a steal! I’ll come too!” Steve gaped at him_

_“Buck, you can’t do that, that’s so expensive, you only make five cents for your paper route!” Bucky shrugged_

_“Naw, I’ve been savin’ anyway it’ll be fun! Then we can talk about Mr. Leibowitz without him knowin’!”_

_“That’s rude Buck!” but even as Steve said it he burst out laughing. Bucky beamed and glanced over at him._

_“It’ll be like we’re spies!” Steve watched as Bucky rambled on excitedly. The idea of going deaf not as scary as it was before._

“C-could you do somethin’ f-for me?”

“O’course”

“C-could you tell ‘em, I love him, a-and I’m so sorry”

“Yeah, I will. Stay safe Sergeant, hopefully I’ll see you soon” there was more shuffling then a long stretch of silence before Clint heaved a sigh.

“You can stop pretending now, he’s gone” Steve shot up, eyes bloodshot.

“How’d he look?”

“Rough Steve, he looked rough. I don’t gotta tell you what he said do I?” Steve wiped his face and cleared his throat

“N-no, no I heard him” Clint nodded and smiled

“Good man”

 

* * *

 

Steve sat up, staring out the window. It had been almost three months since Bucky’d visited their camp in the Russian woods. Still, there’d been no sign of him, Steve looked out the window of the safehouse in Provence. The wind rustling along the old curtains as he sighed heavily, looking around the room Steve sighed and allowed his heart to ache. He was alone now, Clint going back to his family and everyone else being sent away on missions. He rubbed his hands together and turned back from the window, sitting on the old mattress with his head in his hands.

“C’mon Buck, gimme somethin’ here pal”

“I liked the one in Berlin better” Steve’s head snapped up so fast he got dizzy…

 

* * *

 

“B-Bucky?” Steve gaped, hands shaking as he sat on the mattress. Bucky stood silently at the door, he was gaunt, eyes dark and lips cracked. He was fidgeting nervously with his hands, shifting his feet as he looked everywhere but at Steve.

“I uh, I meant to find you sooner, I just- what I mean is-“ Bucky finally looked up at him with big eyes “I’m so sorry Steve” Steve slowly stepped towards the trembling man.

“Buck- you don’t- I mean there’s nothing to be so- you’re here” Steve felt his knees buckle and he waited for the impending impact of his legs on the wooden floor. It never came.

“Easy Stevie, c’mon, let’s sit down yeah” Steve clung to his shoulders as Bucky eased him onto the old bed, holding him tightly.

“You’re here, you’re actually here” Steve pulled back and looked at him. “God Buck, look at you” Bucky smiled sadly and glanced down at himself.

“I’m a bit of mess, I know-“

“No, fuck, you’re beautiful” Bucky’s eyes filled with tears and his smile turned less brittle. Steve pulled him into his arms again before pulling away and wiping his eyes “uh here, the bathroom has running water, you can shower and I’ll grab some clothes for you to wear and make some food yeah? Then we can talk maybe? But not if you don’t want to, whatever you want really, except the food, you have to-“ Bucky gently pressed a finger to his lips and nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good Stevie, whatever you want” with that he shuffled into the old bathroom and Steve gaped at the door, before leaping to his feet.

“Wait!” Bucky looked at him, he looked so small, Clint was right, he’d needed those rations more than they had. Bucky was trembling exactly like he had _that night_ , so long ago. “I mean, l-let me help you, _please_ ” Bucky bit his lip insecurely and his eyes clouded over.

“Y-you don’t have to Stevie, y’don’t wanna see this” Steve stepped into his space and allowed his tears to well in his eyes.

“Christ Bucky, I don’t wanna stop looking. I’m terrified you’re gunna disappear” Bucky sighed heavily and nodded

“Kay, but no talkin, deal?” Steve nodded mutely a the two stepped into the creaky old bathroom, never taking his eyes off Bucky.

 

Steve still stared when they got out of the shower, he stared when Bucky put on Steve’s sweatpants and t-shirt – which were _way_ too loose. He stared while they slowly ate canned soup and he stared while Bucky stared back.

“Steve-“

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve looked for you, and I didn’t, and you were alive, and you were waiting for me, and I never came” Steve’d read the files, he’d seen the recordings, he knew he was right. That Bucky’d mocked them, laughing that _Captain America was going to kick their asses_ until he finally realized Steve wasn’t coming.

“S’not your fault Steve” the voice was quiet but so stern.

“Buck-“

“No, it wasn’t your fault, d’you have any idea how surprised I was when _I_ woke up? No one falls off a mountain and walks away Steve that ain’t normal, you had no reason to believe I was alive” Steve had long since given up on hiding his tears and Bucky swallowed thickly.

“Just ran my mouth off to keep me together, once I found out about the _Valkyrie_ it didn’t matter, thought they were just gunna kill me anyways” Steve gaped at him and watched as he stared down at his hands.

“I meant to find you sooner, honest I did. That guy with the hearin’ aids, he’s real nice, what’s his name?”

“Clint, his name is Clint” Bucky nodded

“He’s nice, cares about you, they all do. Not a big fan of Stark Jr. though, runs his mouth a little too much” Steve blinked as the realization hit him.

“Have- have you been _watching_ me Buck?” Bucky flushed and looked away.

“Had to make sure you were okay” he murmured and Steve felt his heart swell. Bucky’s eyes were glazing over and Steve gently tucked the damp hair back.

“When did you sleep last Buck?” Bucky shrugged noncommittally and Steve sighed.

“We gotta lot to talk about pal, but let’s get some rest first yeah?” Bucky nodded and moved to the floor before Steve grabbed him.

“None of that Buck, c’mere” Steve pulled him to his chest. “Just go to sleep Bucky, I’ll be here when you wake up”

“Promise?”

“I Promise”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda slammed a lot into this chapter I know but it wouldn't make sense in the last one <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys get their happy ending - finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided they live in a Brownstone because I love the brownstones in Brooklyn. There is mild gore sort of when mentioning the loss of Bucky's arm but nothing too explicit!

Steve grinned as Bucky hummed in his sleep, leaning further into Steve’s hand as he gently stroked the long hair. He could feel the bumps and scars along Bucky’s scalp, the marks where stitches had never fully healed and swallowed the guilt in his chest. He was here now, that’s all that mattered. Bucky, gently curled his metal fist into the bed, curling his body closer. Steve moved himself so their foreheads were nearly touching and laced his fingers with the metal hand. Bucky’s eyes fluttered softly and Steve gently began whispering.

“Hey, morning…” Bucky’s eyes blinked open slowly and suddenly Steve felt his eyes will with tears as a sob lodged itself in his throat. Bucky furrowed his brow as he recognized his distress and he squeezed his hand.

“Steve…?” Steve cradled the back of his head and gave a wet smile

“Sorry, just didn’t think I’d ever wake up to this again” Steve tried to smile reassuringly but Bucky began to pull away hesitantly.

“Sorry, I’ll just-“ Steve suddenly tightened his hold in an almost iron grip and glared into his eyes.

“Shut up Barnes, don’t you fuckin’ move, got me?” relief sagged over his entire form and Bucky nodded

“Okay” Steve relaxed again and pulled Bucky into his chest as he played with his hair. Bucky let out a soft whimper and pushed his forehead against Steve’s collar

“Forgot what it felt like, to be touched without it hurtin’, forgot how nice it was” Steve closed his eyes and kissed his forehead.

“Ain’t gunna let you forget again, I promise”... 

* * *

 

“This is a bad idea”

“No it isn’t”

“Yeah it is Steve” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“It’s not, and if it’s not what we want, we’ll leave okay, you and me” Bucky nodded slowly and followed Steve to the compound. When they walked into the main room everyone went silent. Steve could cut the tension with a knife and he felt Bucky shaking next to him. Clint suddenly walked in the door and looked at the Avengers’ shocked expressions. He caught Bucky’s eyes and grinned.

“Hey man” Bucky gave a hesitant smile and signed a subtle _hello_. Clint turned back to the group and laughed.

“What’s everyone staring at? It’s just sign language!”… 

* * *

 

Bucky stared down at their entwined hands and smiled softly. Steve watching him closely as they lay in the bed. Neither of them had breached the topic of their relationship, but God did Steve want to.

“Bucky…?” he looked up and nodded

“Yeah Stevie?” Steve looked down nervously for a minute and bit his lip.

“Can you tell me w-what happened? You don’t have to! I just-“ Bucky sighed heavily

“S’okay Stevie. I don’t mind…”

 

_His arm was killing him, and his head was pounding, and he was so cold. Bucky blinked awake and looked at the white sky, flakes falling onto his face._

_“S-Steve…?” he saw the mountain and the train tracks and a sickening realization dawned on him_

_“Oh God, Steve!? Steve!?” he went to prop himself up but felt no support, he looked to his left and gagged. His arm was gone. He gagged and a horrible moan escaped him._

_“Oh God, oh God, okay-okay breathe, Steve’ll find you, he’s gunna come, just relax” Bucky felt his head spin and swayed a little._

_“Steve…” his eyes rolled back and he fell back into the snow…_

_When he awoke the next time it was to the sound of footsteps in the snow. Bucky blearily looked around as a pair of black boots entered his line of sight. A tear of relief slid down his cheek and he smiled._

_“Steve, you found me”_

_“You are incorrect Sgt. Barnes” terror filled his lungs and he shot his eyes up and desperately tried to regulate his breathing as two HYDRA operatives smiled down at him, he struggled valiantly but the blood loss began to take it’s toll as they dragged him through the snow…_

“It cuts in and out after that” Steve stared at him with tears in his eyes. Bucky smiled sadly and looked back down at their entwined fingers.

“Tried to get away once. Saw the news footage about your crash, just sorta gave up after I guess, didn't have anything to come back to no more” Steve felt his control slipping and pressed closer.

“Buck…”

“S’okay, s’been a long time Steve, I ain’t gunna hold you to nothin-“

“I still have your dog tags” Bucky’s eyes shot to his

“What?”

“When I was going down, in the _Valkyrie_ , I held onto them. Told myself I’d give ‘em back to you when I saw you after. When I woke up and they were gone I was devastated. Clint found them for me and I put them away with all my other things I managed to get back from before in order keep them safe” Bucky stared at him, eyes wide and causing Steve to panic. “I mean-“

“I have yours too” tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes and Steve pulled him close, framing Bucky’s face in his hands

“Can I tell you a secret?” Steve let out a wet laugh and ran his fingers through his hair, nodding.

“Yeah, God yeah Bucky, anything, I won’t blab” Bucky brushed their noses together and whispered

“M’still in love with you” Steve clung to him and Bucky felt all the tension drain from Steve’s body.

“I never stopped loving you, no one else, not even for a second” the two laughed Steve rested their lips together, not a kiss, and waited.

“Please Stevie…” Steve captured his lips in his own and rolled him onto his back, tears mingling as they clung to each other, finally coming home. 

* * *

 

“Psst…”

“Psst, wake up” Bucky cracked an eye open and frowned, he’d been expecting the two of them to sleep in – really he didn’t want to be out of bed all day, just wrapped up in Steve’s arms. Yet here was the big idiot grinning down at him like some golden retriever, completely dressed at six in the morning.

“Steve, wha-“

“Come on!” he yanked his long-lost love from the bed and dragged him downstairs to the front of the apartment. Gesturing wildly at the road.

“Stevie what are you-“ Bucky froze, a blue 1943 Chevrolet pick-up truck idling in front of him. He vaguely remembered it as his dream car and felt his eyes well up.

“I mean, it’s no Hudson, but those are most for show nowadays, these though, you can still get away with drivin’ in the summer time.” Bucky gaped and Steve smiled reassuringly

“Go on, it’s ours. Been fixin’ her up for ya” Bucky slowly walked up to the truck, running his flesh hand along the curve of the wheel-well as Steve continued to speak behind him “I was thinkin’ Grand Canyon first, then depending we would hit DC for the fourth of July, then maybe-“

“San Francisco” Bucky began shaking as the rest of the memory played out in his mind, reaching up and grabbing the dog tags as his breathing sped up.

“Yeah, just drive. Don’t got nowhere to be” Bucky slowly turned and his heart stopped, Steve was on one knee, holding an old ring box with an equally old ring in it. And there was Bucky, standing on the middle of a Brooklyn sidewalk at six in the morning in nothing but a pair of Steve’s sweatpants and Steve’s dog tags. The low rumble of the Chevy behind him as the sun slowly rose. Tears slid down his and Steve’s faces and he covered his mouth with his metal hand, flesh hand still clinging to the dog tags.

“Gunna give you everything Buck, gunna take such good care of you, just like you did me” Bucky fell to his knees in front of him.

“Y-you gunna make an honest man outta me huh?” Bucky winked and Steve’s smile broke through like the goddamn sun and God Bucky had missed it so much.

“You bet your ass I am, m’even allowed to do it legally now” Bucky barked out a laugh and grabbed his face, kissing him passionately, punctuating each kiss with-

“Yes. Yes. Yes.” The two super-soldiers slowly climbed to their feet. Steve grabbed his left hand, running his thumb along the plates as he slid his father’s old ring onto the modern arm. He looked at him and kissed him.

“I’ll always choose you Buck, only ever fucked that up once” Bucky hugged him

“Naw, s’just a game. Let me grab a bag and get dressed, then we’ll run off into the sunrise and shit” Steve chuckled

“Bag’s packed sweetheart. Just need you” Bucky shut off the truck and grabbed him by the hand, leading him back into the brownstone.

“Oh baby doll, you got me, I’m too selfish to give this up” Steve smirked and pushed his _fiancé_ onto the bed.

“Guess we got a little time”

“Not like we got anywhere to be” Steve settled himself on top of the brunette and kissed him softly.

“Just you and me pal, ‘till the end of the line”

“Sounds perfect Stevie, sounds fuckin’ perfect”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all there is, there isn't anymore.
> 
> Thank you all so much for all your support over the course of this work!! If there are any prompts, stories, anything like that you would like to see me write please message me! I love hearing from you guys! Love you all <3


End file.
